


a thousand years

by cosmichoe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A little, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fictional World, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Soulmates, alternative universe, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, side Ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-04-22 12:44:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4835870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmichoe/pseuds/cosmichoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis really doesn't see a reason as to why he had to be born in a world where you basically can't go on living unless you find your significant other, and why it seems as if he never will, really. Also, by "significant other", he means soulmate.</p><p>or,<br/>"AU where people age until they reach 18 and then stop aging until they meet their soul mate so they can grow old together."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Before I begin this story, I want to say that the 18 years of age and soulmate idea came from a tumblr post, so I take no credit for it! Other than that, this story is my work and my ideas.

Louis lives life on the edge, doesn't think about consequences, as he lives with the mentality that _everything happens for a reason_. And perhaps everything really does happen for a reason, but sometimes shit happens that seems to have no valid reason. Unfair shit, you may call it. Louis really doesn't see a reason as to why he had to be born in a world where you basically can't go on living unless you find your significant other, and why it seems as if he never will, really. Also, by "significant other", he means soulmate. _Ah!_ Soulmates, how cliché sounding, innit? Are they even real? Probably not, not to Louis. Not until he finds his, can see it for himself, and can continue living because he just fucking can't. Not since he turned 18. Why? Who knows. Just the rules of the universe, he's accepted. Unfair, unfair, unfair. But accepted, nonetheless.

He watches everyone he went to school with being able to go on with their lives, being able to continue aging, all because they found their significant other (that's what Louis prefers to call it, fuck the word soulmate) so so soon. He watches them succeed, watches them do everything he can't because he just _won't_ age and it's been so long. Can't move on.  

Sure, he guesses it's an advantage because he has more time to go to school, staying young, basically not wasting time. But despite those positive sides, it just really really sucks watching his mom age while he's remaining the same. No, it doesn't exactly suck. Well, actually, it does. It _terrifyingly_ does.

How long has it been since he reached 18 years age of age, one way ask? 30 years. He would technically be at least 48 right now, but he's one unlucky bastard. He looks the same, and it's getting so tiring of living with no moving forward. He decides that maybe to move forward he has to move away from the place he's stuck at, so that's exactly what he does. He's finished school, uni, he doesn't need to worry about that anymore. He's got enough education to be a teacher. A drama teacher. Which he enjoys quiet a bit, he supposes.

He moved away no more than 4 hours away from home, which he thinks is far enough, new people and so. Fresh start. In London.

After a long time of convincing his mum that he'll be just fine moving in by himself, with no help needed, he leaves. She just looks so frail already and he's still so young, stuck young. Selfishly enough, he couldn't bare look at her anymore when she's like that and he's still like _this_. So with a kiss to her forehead and a tight hug, he turns around and starts walking to his car. He glances over his shoulder once more and Jay, his mum, has so much sadness in her eyes. Maybe a hint of disappoint too, almost. And a lot of understanding too. Understanding that he hasn't found his significant other. It seems to be the purpose of life.

And no, it wasn't normal to not find them more than 5 years after turning 18, but she never said anything. He whips his head forward again, strides faster with his hands deep in his jacket's pockets. He yanks open the door to his car and rushes inside. The roaring of the engine is just a reminder that he's leaving everything he's ever known. He pushes it away.

He can still see Jay through the corner of his eye, standing on the doorway, leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed. He drives away. He knows she understands.

He decides what he's gonna do with his 'new' life in London during the drive there. He had plenty of time to think. Maybe _too_ much, too much time alone with his thoughts, maybe grew a little bit crazy on the way.

Anyway.

He decides he'll find a job as the teacher he wants to be. He decides he'll try to be more social, try to not be so bitter about _life_ as he normally is because of how fucking cheated and shitted on he feels by that son of a bitch. Also, it'll be easier, he decides. Like, the social stuff. He's moving into a flat (with a complete stranger, he may want to mention) because it'll be economically beneficial for him. The bloke said he'll gladly pay the first months completely until Louis can get settled, get a job. Yeah, it sounds a little strange and shady if put that way, but Louis _swears_ the dude sounded so genuine over the phone. And, well, Louis couldn't just pass up an offer like that.

Now here he is, 4 hours later, in front of the building that the guy texted him the address to. Evan, by the way. He said he'd be in the complex by the time Louis would be there and he really hopes he didn't lie. He takes a deep breath. He decides to go up first, not take any boxes yet, and meet Evan properly. And to see the place also, of course.

He enters the building, going straight to the elevator. Which Louis must say, he's very grateful for, considering his flat's on the 4th floor. So he reaches the floor, looks for the room number, and _knock_ _knock_. He hears movement inside, hears footsteps approaching the door and he starts fidgeting, just a _bit_. You can't really blame him. It's a stranger behind that door, remember?

The door swings open, almost in slow motion, it seems to him. He takes advantage of the apparent slow motion and examines the person in front of him's features. He's met with grey eyes, with just a hint of a ring of green around them, and such a genuine and big smile that he's almost envious of it. Buzz cut and such a small amount of stubble, it's like it's not even there if you don't look close enough. He's not that much taller than Louis, a wee frame.

"You must be Louis," he says, smile stretching impossibly wider.

"Yeah," Louis nods, giving the best smile he can, with a small wave. "Evan?"

"Yeah! That's me," Evan says, eagerly putting out his hand to shake, and Louis quickly responds. They shake hands, easy enough, and Evan moves out of the way from the door to let Louis in. He walks in and immediately starts looking around in curiosity.

And the place is really nice, actually. There's dark brown sofas arranged in a rectangle with an opened side, and a dark brown coffee table in front of them, accompanied with light brown walls. It actually goes surprisingly well as a combination, even with dark tile. There's a Television in front of the sofas, up on the wall on a wall mount. The living room, he guesses.

"So, you didn't bring anything up yet?" Even asks behind him, breaking Louis from his trance.

_Obviously not_ , Louis almost wants to say, but that would be quiet rude because he knows Evan's just trying to make a conversation.

Be social. Not bitter. He has to mentally remind himself.

So, he breaks into a smile and spins to face Evan.

"No, I thought I'd come up and meet you first, you know? Look around a bit," Louis says instead, an easy shrug afterwards.

"O-Oh yeah, of course. Let me show you around then," he says and starts walking past Louis, motioning him to follow him. They're walking through a small hallway and Evan glances back to Louis. "I hope you don't mind the room you're going to have, like the wall color and stuff. Of course we can always paint it, or if you like mine better we can switch?" He's slowed down to walk next to Louis, he has a nervous and crooked smile.

Louis laughs softly. "No, I'm sure I'll like it." And he does once they enter. It's really nice, one of the walls is dark blue and the others are light blue. He starts to wonder how and why that combination actually looks good. Also, if Evan came up with the idea.

There's an average sized drawer against one wall, a television, and even a window placed on just the right wall. There's a closet that comes into view when he walks in and looks left, a sliding door on it. There's a bed too, of course, and he decides to flop on it on his back. Comfy. Really comfy.

Evan chuckles from the doorway, walking in carefully, also carefully sitting down on the bed next to where Louis is sprawled out. They watch each other carefully, a crooked grin appearing on Louis' face and shortly after on Evan's.

Louis' used to sleeping by himself on a small bed, but eventually he doesn't anymore because him and Evan start dating. Yeah, they do. They start sleeping on the same bed, Louis' room abandoned, the terms "living together" and "flatmates" taken to a whole new level, etcetera.

And Louis supposes it was probably inevitable, considering the circumstances. Plus, everything happens for a reason, _right?_  


	2. heart beats fast

Louis wakes up by the work of a ray of sunlight peeking in through the curtains on the window to his right. It's shining right on his eyes, as if its sole purpose of its existence was to wake up and annoy him at 8 AM. He groans in desperation, throwing his arm over his face to shield his eyes with his forearm.

A few minutes later he switches arms, the palm of his former arm falling on another one equal in size. He's startled a bit, expecting to feel sheets instead of skin, but relaxes instantly in realization when fingers curl up and hold his hand. He holds it back.

"Good morning," a voice worn down by sleep, nothing that a clearing of a throat can't fix, next to him says and his lips curl up into a smile in mere seconds. He turns his head to Evan, the right side of his face on the pillow. He has to squint because the ray of sunlight still manages to be right on his eyes. "Your eyes are doing that crinkly thing," Evan points out, his grin widening.

Louis huffs out a laugh and turns his whole body onto his side and cuddles into Evan's chest, his nose nudging dead center on it, not saying anything back. It's quiet. Not uncomfortable quiet, but it's so quiet Louis swears can hear the damn ray of sunlight. He must be going nuts.

Louis has been living in London for about 4 months, successfully getting a job as a teacher last month. That part worked out good, but he can't exactly make the whole 'being more social' thing work. Sure, he talks to the other teachers, but they're just not quite friends. They don't really hit it off and it's awkward, they run out of things to talk about. They're acquaintances and he just feels lonely because he doesn't exactly hang out with anyone other than Evan outside of work and it actually really sucks. He pouts to himself and seconds later a foreign hand goes into his hair, fingers comfortingly running through it.

A minute ticks by and, "What's on your mind?" Evan asks softly.

"I'm thinking about how I don't have any actual friends other than you," He replies, a humorless chuckle following.

"Hey, that's not true-" Evan starts, but Louis interrupts him, "But it is, you know it is." he insists.

"It's not a bad thing," he replies softly after a few seconds.

"It just sucks, kind of wish I did have some, at least a couple. You know?" Louis sighs. He gets an understanding nod in response.

"How's this, how about I invite a couple of my closest mates to come over tonight and hang out? I'm sure you'll get along with them as well as I did. Right from the moment I said a first word to them we hit it off so quickly. There's no way they won't like you," Evan suggests.

Louis just nods in agreement, he'll take any chance.

* * *

The two lads spend most of the morning and most of the afternoon being lazy, which isn't really that new to them. They spend the day eating sweets and snacks while eating watching their favorite movies that they've probably seen about twenty times together by now.

Evan had called his mates earlier, as he had promised, and they were due to arrive in about 2 hours. Louis' somewhat nervous because, as he knows, he's really not that social at all. He's almost convinced he's going to do something stupid and embarrass himself.

Oh well. He'll just have to be himself and if they don't like him, then so be it.

An hour and a half later, they're both ready and even tidied up their mess of a flat a bit. There's a knock at the door unexpectedly early and Evan nonchalantly gets up with an "I'll get it," from the couch while Louis is admittedly a little bewildered, but he figures it's normal for his friends to come early by the way Evan reacted. He continues watching the television as he listens to another set of knocks, more urgent ones almost saying "hurry up!", as Evan's making his way towards the door. Louis hears it open and almost immediately a shout of "Hey, mate!" and a cackle is heard from a voice unknown to Louis.

The voice is talking shamelessly loud and is getting closer to the living-room. Louis jumps up from the couch as he hears it really close and waits for the two people to enter the room.

A blonde boy with blue eyes in a light blue jean jacket, black skinny jeans, and white t-shirt comes in next to Evan. He has the biggest smile Louis' ever seen so far, with bright teeth and all. He's also carrying beer.

"Hellooooo!" The blonde boy sets down the beers on the floor and strolls over quickly to Louis, immediately throwing an arm over his shoulders and comfortably pulling him down into a strong hug, as if they've been mates for years.

Louis chuckles nervously, but hugs him back. "Hey there,"

Just then, there's more knocks and 2 other lads come in, both with brown eyes, dark hair. One of them has darker hair, though, and he has a pretty great jawline. The other has the most handsome, yet somewhat puppy-looking (in the best way possible), face. Louis looks down and they're holding hands, it makes him smile a little. They're both wearing black skinny jeans, but the one with darker hair is wearing a black t-shirt and the other is wearing a white one.

It turns out that the blonde one's name is Niall, Mr. Jawline is Zayn, and the handsome puppy-faced one is Liam. They're all great and it's strange how they all get along so well because they all seem to have completely different, nearly  _apposite_ personalities. Niall's the most energetic and bubbly, while Zayn's so chilled and relaxed. Liam's somewhere in between, he's serious, but he can make good jokes and have great fun. Not that Zayn can't, but you can feel some type of protective or parental maturity radiating off Liam. Yeah, that's what's different about him.

They all seem to like Louis enough, and he's so relieved. It's all pure and genuine fun. They drink all the beers that Niall brought, much to the boy's delight. It's all pretty much just questions and talking to get to know each other at first. Then it starts going into joking and bantering. Louis loves how they automatically get serious, make jokes, and laugh at the right times.

Time goes by rather fast and before they know it, they have to go. They all hug each other, exchange "it was so nice to meet you, mate"s and they even make plans to hang out the next day at night to go to the cinema.

So, the next day they arrive at around the same time to go, Niall more hyper than ever. They all greet each other with hugs and it all seems natural, even on the car ride there's no silence. If there is, it's undoubtedly comfortable. He noticed that they know how to make each other feel included and not like they're not a part of the conversation. Louis' glad Evan introduced them.

Louis' driving, Evan on the seat next to him. He had laced their hands together when he first started driving, Liam and Zayn doing the same in the backseat with Niall next to them. Louis almost wants to chuckle at how Niall doesn't seem uncomfortable at all with himself being the only one without a partner, he knows he himself would be so mortified. But that's him, and besides, he doesn't know if Niall actually _does_ have a partner that he just didn't bring along.

Everyone jumps out of the car when Louis pulls the keys out of the ignition and he almost wants to coo at how Liam helps Zayn up gently, as if he's made of porcelain. As soon as they're at arm's reach again, Evan grabs hold of his hand as they walk inside.

After getting their tickets, they make it a race of who can reach the top the fastest, luckily there's barely anyone in the theater because they're a fit of giggles when they reach the top, even leaving a trail of popcorn behind them. They sit down once they calm down and munch on the popcorn as they wait through the commercials and previews that go on before the movie. Liam and Zayn are next to each other, as so are Louis and Evan, and Niall's sitting between the pairs. 

The movie's really interesting, it's a horror movie and Louis' clutching Evan's hand really tight in fear of something popping up and making him jump. He's staring intently at the screen, but there's an obnoxious sound of a cackle that breaks him from his concentration. He frowns but keeps watching until the cackle turns into quite loud, for a movie theater, murmurs.

Louis looks around him and he realizes that the sounds are coming from a mop of curls in front of him and he can see that they're whispering to the person next to them because their profile is visible, glowing an outline with the light from the screen.

He decides to ignore it, until five minutes later the guy's fucking at it again, giggling at a _horror movie_.

"Mate, are you quiet finished yet? We're at a fucking movie theater, shut your mouth!," Louis yells in a whisper and he kicks the seat, making the person glance at him with his mouth agape. He turns around back to the screen slowly and he stays quiet, finally. Louis crosses his arms triumphantly and smirks, looking back to the movie.

"Louis, that was unnecessary. Apologize to that poor guy," Evan says, after elbowing him in the ribs and leaning in to whisper. Louis just rolls his eyes and he can see Zayn shaking his head in the corner of his eye. His heart skips a beat because he really doesn't want him to think that he's rude, but when he turns to look at Zayn he's biting his bottom lip as if trying to hold back a laugh. Louis grins at him and kicks the seat in front of him again, this time harder, and Zayn looks absolutely delighted. His shoulders jerk forward slightly as a small laugh manages to escape his lips. Liam's completely oblivious of what's happening and Niall appears uninterested, completely focused on the movie.

"Heeeeyyyyy," the person in front of Louis turns around in his seat, frowning and pouting. "I stopped making noise, what's your problem?" He has a really surprisingly deep voice.

Louis improvises. "Hey, man. I just wanted to say sorry, kicking the seat and reacting the way I did was unnecessary," Louis says with a friendly grin, but even  _he_ can hear the humor in his own voice.

Apparently the guy doesn't, though. 

"Oh, that's okay! I totally understand why you did that. The movie was on a good part an-"

"Shhhh!" Someone a couple rows above them directs to them and Louis turns around and glares at the general area that the sound came from.

"Anyways," The guy says, whispering as low as he can now and holds out his hand. "'m Harry,"

Louis bemusedly raises his left eyebrow but takes his hand nonetheless and shakes it. "I'm Louis, nice to meet you." He smiles.

Harry just keeps staring at him with the widest grin he's ever seen. And _yeah_ , okay. Niall's isn't the widest grin he's ever seen anymore. He doesn't let Louis' hand go, causing Louis to smile softly at Harry and tilt his head slightly. He can barely see his face because the screen is behind him and the shadows cast on his face, but Louis thinks he's _beautiful_ from what he can at least make out. He could have sworn time had stopped for a couple of seconds, but he was broken out of the trance with a clearing of a throat next to him. He knows it belongs to Evan, so he snatches his hand away from Harry immediately the same time he does as well. 

Louis puts his arm back on the armrest and Even quickly grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers. He sees Harry glance at their joined hands as he's gripping the back of his seat and then turns around slowly back to facing the screen.

After a couple minutes everything's so still between Evan and Louis that he thinks the Harry thing might have actually not even happened. Maybe it was just a part of his very alive imagination. Evan starts rubbing circles on his hand with his thumb when the movie starts coming down from the climax of its story. 

The movie's coming to an end and Louis stretches his limbs that are cramped up from sitting for so long as the credits start to roll and the lights start turning back on.

"Good movie, innit, lads?" He says, looking back and forth between Evan and the other boys to his right. They nod in agreement and he smiles, sinking back into his seat because it doesn't look like they're moving anytime soon. He looks at Niall and Zayn expectantly, because he has no idea what their...routine? is when coming to the movies, but they both just have a lazy smile on their faces, except Zayn also has his head resting on Liam's shoulder.

Louis' honestly confused because no one's saying anything, so he turns to Evan.

"Aren't we leaving?" he whispers.

"We like to wait until completely everyone leaves," he whispers back, smiling lightly. Louis just nods and sits back, relaxing and watching as everyone leaves. Harry even flashes him a shy smile when he gets up and exits. He seemed to have been accompanied by a girl.

After everyone leaves, all the other boys get up in sync and Louis feels a little out of place because _what the fuck_?

He stumbles trying to follow behind them like a stray puppy following a person that has food in their hands, but he's stopped by a hand on his shoulder at the entrance of the theater.

"Hey," a familiar voice says softly and he abruptly stops, turning to Harry. He was.. waiting for him?

"Hi," Louis smiles.

"I, um" Harry buries his hands into his pockets before talking again, "You seem like such a cool person, maybe you'd like to hang out some other time? More friends are always appreciated!" He talks fast, almost like he doesn't want Louis to understand what he said out of embarrassment, and finishes off with a grin. But Louis does understand what he said very clearly. How fortunate, he would have hated to make Harry repeat all what he said.

Louis returns the smile, nodding, "Yeah, yeah. Um, do you want to exchange like numbers, or something? I don't think there's another way to keep contact after we leave this place otherwise," he chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah." Harry agrees, fishing his phone out of his pocket and handing it to Louis. He clicks the home button to trigger it to turn on and then sliding his finger, expecting there to be a pass-code, but there isn't one. He's slightly amused. 

After tapping in his number, he hands it back to Louis and starts stepping backwards because he can hear the boys calling his name, telling him to hurry the fuck up.

"Just text me, or something!" He calls before turning around and strolling over to the other boys. Evan puts his arm around him as soon as he's close enough. They start walking out of the building and it takes Evan a few too long extra seconds to turn his head straight ahead, away from behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is greatly appreciated. :)


	3. colors and promises

The day after all the boys went to the movies together was Monday, which seems like such a bad idea because it had been on a work night. At least it does now to Louis, because he's laying in bed with his phone blaring an alarm. They got home considerably late, and that's disregarding the fact that Louis gets up early because he has to get to the school he works at pretty damn early. He groans, grabbing his phone from the nightstand to his right and pressing any button that would just make it stop making noise. He flops back onto the bad and closes his eyes, promising himself that he'll get up after just 5 minutes of resting his eyes.

Except he doesn't, and soon enough Evan's shaking his shoulder gently until he's slowly opening his eyes. He groans in complaint and Evan starts shaking his shoulder more urgently. 

"Babe, you're going to be late for work," he says softly. "It's 30 minutes past your alarm," And that does the trick, it makes Louis jump out of the bed, suddenly wide awake. 

"Oh my god," he says under his breath and quickly heads into the bathroom with a chuckling Evan behind him still in bed. He rushes his shower, still scrubbing and washing his hair properly, but so fast. He jumps out of the shower, almost slipping because he missed the mat. He strolls around Evan and his' room the fastest he can, picking any clothes that gets in his way first (clean ones, that is). He can feel Evan's eyes on him as he changes, something that he's used to, but not exactly completely comfortable with. It's nothing personal, he's just not very fond of people seeing him naked.

After getting ready, he grabs his briefcase and pecks Evan on the lips briefly on his way out of the room. He's leaving 20 minutes later than he usually does and he's contemplating on whether or not he should stop at his usual place to get his daily morning tea or just go straight to work. This morning is going by so disastrous already that he feels as if he should be expecting himself to end up accidentally spilling tea on his lap. But he's so used to his morning tea, he decides that it's worth the risk. Plus he'll just be careful. 

Except he knows that it would be a lot more time-saving to go to the other coffee shop that he's seen before on his way to work instead of the one that's the closest to his flat, so he does. He's still 15 minutes short, so he rushes inside and to his Monday luck, there's an exasperatedly long line. All he can do is wait, so he does, and looks around. 

All the tables are full, some people are sat alone sipping from a cup, others with someone else and having a chat. He's looking around and- _no_. It can't fucking be. He almost laughs in disbelief. 

_Harry_ is sitting at a table alone, a book open in front of him and a cup sitting next to it. He's concentrating on the book, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyeballs moving from side to side, following the words. He's wearing the coziest-looking long sleeve plaid shirt, but also the most uncomfortable-looking tight jeans. His thighs must not be able to breath.

Louis shifts his weight onto the leg that's closer to harry, licking his lips and looking from Harry to the people still left in line in front of him. 

_Fuck it_ , he thinks. He walks over to Harry and sits in front of him, making him jump. When he looks up his face brightens up with a mix of what looks like excitement and disbelief, Louis giving a wide smile in return.

"Louis! Hey, I didn't expect to see you here," He speaks slowly, voice deep.

"I didn't either," he chuckles. "I never come here, but I was running sorta late," he glances at the clock on the wall over the cashier. "still am, actually. So I decided to come here for my tea before work instead of the one I usually go to," he finishes explaining and Harry nods understandingly.

"Well, great timing," Harry grins.

"What are you doing here?" Louis asks, smile still intact as he stretches his neck to try to peek at what Harry's looking at in the book.

"Oh, I was studying before class because I have an exam today."

"Do you come to this place a lot? Or was it just today?" Louis asks.

"Just today," Harry says, shrugging. "I usually study at night before I go to bed, but I was exhausted last night after that film."

 "Really?" Louis chuckles. "So was I. It's kind of funny. It's like if we hadn't met at the cinema maybe we would have probably met here, or something."

"Yeah.. Maybe we've been in the same place at the same time a lot without us noticing," Harry tilts his head as he speaks. "It's almost like we were meant to meet, yeah?"

Louis shifts in his seat, not sure what to make of what he said. He glances at the clock again, he's running _really_ late. He abruptly stands up and pushes his chair back in, a confused Harry staring up at him.

"Where are you going?" He asks timidly, watching Louis' movements.

"Listen, I'm running really late. I'll see you later, yeah?" Louis says.

"O-okay. Do you want my tea? You didn't even get the chance to get one. Here," He extends his arm to Louis with the cup in his hand. "I haven't had a single sip, please take it. I can get another one. I have time," He adds, insisting after Louis shifts his weight onto the apposite leg from the previous one, unsure.

Louis takes it, saying a rushed thank you and hurrying out the door with a promised text from Harry.

He gets into his car and immediately drives out of the parking lot. And yeah, he arrives an estimated 10 minutes late and he blames Harry. There could've been a chance that he would've made it just in time if it weren't for Harry. Totally.

He walks into his classroom, rushing over to his desk to set his things on it, but the kids seem way too quiet to be normal. He starts apologizing for being late, but he can feel an elephant in the room as they stare at him. It turns out to be that the said elephant is the principal leaning on his desk. He starts panicking inside, but keeps his composure on the outside because this is the first time that he's ever been late and there's no way that he'll get into that much trouble, if any.

The principal, Mrs. Meyer, crosses her arms and looks at Louis expectantly. 

"I-" Louis tries to think up a good excuse, but fails and sighs. "I just ran late, I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He says firmly, professionally, confident.

Mrs. Meyer nods and simply says, "I hope not, Mr. Tomlinson," and leaves.

He lets out a deep breath when she closes the classroom door behind her, turning to look at his students with wide eyes. A few of them laugh and he laughs along with them as he finally sets the things in his hands on his desk. He continues his apology to them as he opens his briefcase and pulls out copies of the assignment they would have today, simple vocabulary. 

"This is from what we learned on Friday," he explains, counting how many papers he has to leave on the first desk of the first row to be passed back. "It's easy enough, you may get a dictionary or look into your notes." 

After he finishes passing out the worksheets, he sets down the leftover ones on one side of his desk and sits down on his rolling chair.

He organizes things a bit, setting paper he needs to grade in front of him and gets to it after clicking a pen. 

He's concentrated and doesn't realize how close the first bell was to ringing until it does.

"Put your papers here," he says, patting a spot on his desk. 

The classroom is quiet and still after all the students leave. His phone buzzes in his pocket along with a loud ding. He takes it out of his pocket and flicks the switch on its side, turning the ringtone off, but not the vibration. He notices that a text had been what triggered the notification.

**From: Evan.**

**Got there on time? :)**

_To: Evan_

_Nope. :( Got here a bit late, I genuinely thought the principal was gonna kick my arse ! I think I woulda made it but I got distracted while getting my morning tea._

He doesn't have to wait long for a reply.

**From: Evan.**

**Oh, shit. I totally forgot you still had to get it.. I shoulda gotten up and made you one at home, I'm sorry. :(**

_To: Evan._

_No, don't be. It's fine, I didn't get here that late. Plus, I saw that Harry lad from the movies, funny story ! Didn't expect it._

The students for the next period start coming in, he gets up and passes out the papers as he did in the last hour after greeting them and sits back down. 

His phone vibrates, another text from Evan.

**From: Evan.**

**Oh, did you, really? That's funny. Would love to hear the story.**

_To: Evan._

_Yeahhhh, would tell you when I get home, but it was more of a rushed chat. was running super late !_

Evan doesn't reply, but he does get another text.

**From: (Unknown Number)**

**Hiiiii**

He raises his eyebrow, he's sure it's Harry, but there's a chance it isn't, so

_To: (Unknown Number)_

_Hi?_

Fast reply.

**From: (Unknown Number)**

**Louis? It's Harryyyyyy**

He quickly goes to the options in the opened text messages and saves Harry's number into his contacts.

_To: Harry_

_Who's Harry ?_

Playing around a bit never hurt anyone.

**From: Harry**

**Oh.. Wrong number, I think, sorry.**

Louis laughs quietly and looks up to see how the students are behaving.

After scolding one to sit down and do their work, he types up another reply.

_To: Harry_

_I'm kidding, curly, hey! I was a bit late because of you. You can't continue to distract me like that._

He sets his phone down to continue grading papers, but it isn't long until he gets another reply.

**From: Harry**

**I don't think its my fault at all, you decided to come say hi. I hadn't even seen you.xxxxx**

Louis smiles, he had a point.

Louis manages to text Harry throughout the school day while managing to finish all his work. After the last bell rings, he says goodbye to the last class and packs up his things to leave. Mondays are always tiring and he's absolutely exhausted, despite the fact that he was sitting down most of the day. He looks into the rear end mirror of his car and he looks surprisingly still good, his hair just a little bit disheveled. 

He drives to his flat, cheerily stepping in and shouting a greeting to Evan. He's sitting on the sofa in front of the coffee table, a picture frame in his hand. He's examining it with his phone next to it, as if he were comparing them. Louis sets down his briefcase next to the front door and walks over to the sofa, sitting down next to Evan. 

"Hey, babe. Whatcha looking at?" He asks, kissing Evan on the cheek and then looking down at what he's comparing. 

On his left hand, he's holding the picture frame. It's a picture of them together about a week after Louis moved to London, nearly 5 months ago. On his right hand, he's holding his phone. There's a picture up of them yesterday before they left for the movies.

"I'm just looking at these pictures of us.." he says silently. Louis would've dismissed it all off as nothing, but Evan's eyebrows are furrowed.

"What's wrong?" He asks softly, looking at his face.

"I just.." he shakes his head as if he's shaking bad thoughts away. "Why am I aging, but you're not, Louis?"


	4. how to be brave

"What?" Louis frowns, although he knows what Evan just asked, knows what he's implying. He feels guilty.

"Wh-why am I aging but you're not?" Evan repeats, blinking quickly as if he's fighting his eyes from releasing tears, or getting red around their rims to begin with. He won't look at Louis, he's staring at the pictures in his hands and Louis can see how his eyes flicker back and forth between them.

"I..." Shit. Louis really doesn't know what to possibly say to this, to make Evan happy. Quick, think.

He looks at the pictures carefully and woah- yeah, Evan does look older. It's a bit subtle, but definitely noticeable. it's like when you take a picture in the beginning of the school year and by the end of it you look a little older already.

"Are you sure? I think I see a little difference," he lies, putting his finger on his own face for some sort of emphasis, the picture moving left as if it were to turn to the next one in his camera roll.

"You think so?" Evan asks after Louis pulls back. He guiltily gulps and nods, a tight smile on his face.

He subtly sighs in relief when Evan beams and leans in to kiss him. Louis puts his hands in Evan's hair, slowly laying back on the couch and pulling the other man down as they kiss.

It all ends up in the bedroom and in the next morning, when Louis' alarm is ringing, he's sprawled out on the bed with Evan's head on his chest and his hands holding on to his biceps.

He gently slips out from under him, only causing him to shift and groan, and dismisses his alarm when he's on his feet. He stretches and goes into the shower, specifically scrubbing off the dried come on his stomach that he missed last night while they were trying to clean each other up in stumbles in the dark.

Afterwards, he steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around his lower body and goes back into the bedroom, picking out his clothes in a gratefully relaxed way. Grateful because the day before he was fucking _flying_ around the room because he was running late, which was in vain because he got to work late anyway.

After he's all ready to leave, he holds Evan's cheek gently to not wake him up and presses a kiss to his forehead.

When he gets in his car, he starts wondering if Harry will be in the coffee shop like yesterday, or was it just a one time thing? He considers just going to the one he usually goes to, but then decides that it won't hurt to try the other one. And okay, yeah, maybe it would sting a little if Harry wasn't there.

Maybe.

So he goes, and he sees Harry sitting at the same spot at the window when he gets out from his car. His book is open in front of him again, but he isn't concentrated on it this time. Or even looking at it. This time, he keeps looking at the clock, and then at the door every time someone enters. He walks up to the shop and walks in, Harry fails to look at the door. Instead, he has his chin on his hand.

He also notices that there's not only one, but two cups of tea in front of him and Louis suddenly feels disappointed because maybe Harry is waiting for someone else. His girlfriend. Boyfriend.

Louis doesn't get in line, instead he walks straight over the curly head and timidly stands next to the chair that's in front of him. His eyes slowly drag up Louis' body from his thighs and his face fucking lights up when he gets to Louis' face. Like dimples and all.

"Hey curly! I-uh.. Are you waiting for someone? Like is this seat ta-"

"No no! Sit down, I was really hoping you would come here again, I even got you your tea so you wouldn't have to wait in line. See?" Harry grins, pointing to the second cup.

"Oh, why thank you, curls. That actually saves me a lot of time. The line is always so long at this place," Louis replies, picking up the cup and taking a sip after sitting down.

Harry's eyes are so so bright, the sun from outside hitting his eyes making them brighter, a beautiful light green. His lips are a soft pink and slightly parted. He's so pretty, Louis thinks. Nothing wrong with thinking that, right?

"You're welcome, in how long do you have to leave?"

"Uh.." He looks at the clock on the wall. "In like 7 minutes," Harry's face drops.

"Oh," he's full on pouting now.

"Don't pout,"

"I'm not pouting,"

"Yes you are, stop it," Louis demands. So he does.

"Hey, we should hang out this Friday," Harry says after a few seconds, then scratches the back of his neck. "Like, um.. I don't know. Somewhere. Just hang out. You're fun to be around. I enjoy your company."

"Are you sure you enjoy my company? I don't think we've properly hung out yet," Louis chuckles and Harry nods _frantically_ , surely.

"Okay, well. I'll tell the other boys if they're up to it, the ones I was at the movies with, remember?"

"O-oh I was thinking if it could be ju-"

"Shit! I really have to go. I'm sorry," Louis says, standing up quickly. "I'll talk to you later, yeah? I'll tell you what we plan,"

"Okay," Harry nods. "Text me soon, though?"

Louis just smiles at him, a way of saying 'of course' and leaves to work, the rest of his tea his hand.

And of course, he does text him. In fact, he does every day and all day until Friday, counting Friday. Louis goes to the coffee shop every morning and Harry's always there, waiting for him with his tea.

Louis even starts getting up earlier so he can get there earlier and spend more time with Harry. Evan asks about it, as to why he's been getting up earlier, and Louis is honest. He always is, he tells him that it's to get there earlier to hang out with Harry.

He says its in a total friendly way, and it is. Of course it is. But Evan still frowns and just nods.

And it turns out that Louis really likes Harry's company. He wishes he could squeeze in more time with him in his somewhat tight schedule, but the mornings before work is all that works right now.

Evan, Liam, Zayn, Niall, and Louis suggest going to a club on Friday night and Harry agrees. And so that's where they go.

Harry's driving, because he claims to know the best club in this city. Niall's sitting on the front passenger seat- Zayn, Liam, Evan and Louis on the back, Louis on Evan's lap with their hands intertwined on his belly.

They could hardly fit in this car before, and now with another member to their group added, it was a bit harder.

But it's okay. The more the merrier.

They stop in front of a club, as promised, and Louis' the first one to hop out of the vehicle because he swears he can't feel his right foot anymore.

"Woah..wait," Niall says as he's getting out of the car.

"Is this a gay club?"

"Y-yeah, why?" Harry says, nervously.

"Oh mate, I'm not gay!" Niall laughs.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. We can go somewhere else if you want? I should have asked if everyone was up to go to this place," he's already back in the car and turning it back on, but Niall speaks again.

"No no no, it's totally fine. I don't wanna be the one who ruins the night! Besides, there's nothing wrong with this. Never been to one of these, it'll be cool."

Everyone's watching the exchange carefully until Harry releases a sigh of relief at Niall's smile.Niall's always been understanding.

They walk inside and go straight to the bar to get some drinks.

Soon after, they're all settled. Zayn and Liam went off to the dance floor to dance together. Niall's sitting on a barstool talking to a guy at the end of the bar. It's amusing how oblivious Niall is of how into him the guy is.

Louis and Evan are leaning back on the middle area of the bar with drinks in their hands, telling each other about their days.

And Louis feels bad. Because Evan's really into the story that he's telling Louis about from work, but Harry's sitting a couple barstools away and he just can't stop looking at him.

He's talking to a guy, fit he might add, and his cheeks are pink from something the guy just said to him. Louis shifts in his seat uncomfortably and licks his lips when he sees that the dude's put a hand on Harry's thigh.

"Louis?" He hears a voice next to him and his head quickly snaps to it.

"What? I'm sorry, I got a bit distracted."

And he feels guilty. He feels guilty because he knows that Evan knows why he was distracted. His eyes flicker to where Harry's sitting, but he dismisses it and continues his story.

This time, Louis turns his back to Harry and puts his full attention on Evan. He even leans in to hear him better.

After half an hour later, Evan has to go to the bathroom. Apparently Harry takes that opportunity to sneak up to Louis and sit on the barstool next to him and say, "hey" in his ear because the music is so loud.

He hates to admit it, but it makes him jump.

"Oh, hey. I thought you had gone off to fuck that bloke you were talking to," Louis says and pulls up his current drink to his lips. He said it before he could realize and stop what he was saying.

There's bitterness in his voice, and there shouldn't be any. It shouldn't matter if Harry had done that, this is bad. It should have sounded like banter, but it sounded more of an accusation. His brain is a little fuzzy.

"What?" Harry chuckles nervously, giving Louis a funny look.

"Oh, nothing!" Louis says cheerily. "I'm just being stupid. Alcohol getting to my head,"

And Harry just nods, slowly looking down.

"So? Having fun? Have you drank anything? I haven't seen you get much,"

"Oh, yeah. I have. But I figured I would have to drive you guys back, so I drank little enough to not get drunk. No drinking and driving, and all," he explains. Louis frowns.

"Harry, don't feel like you have to do that. You can drink all you want. Have fun. We can call a taxi and come for the car in the morning. No biggie," Louis smiles softly at him, putting his elbow on the bar and his hand into the curls, slowly running his fingers through. He swears he can feel Harry purring, and yeah, his brain must be really fuzzy.

The hair petting session is soon interrupted by Evan's return as he sits back on the stool he was in before.

He nods his head at Harry as a greeting and then looks at Louis' hand in his hair. He scoots closer, putting an arm around his waist and obnoxiously kisses his cheek.

Harry doesn't feel like he's having fun.

And if he was at one point, not anymore. So he gets up and walks away into the dance floor, ignoring Louis' protests.

This was the first time that he hadn't had fun at this club, it was his favorite club of all time.

His original plan was to hang out with Louis. Only Louis. And now he's here, with all the boys, and he's barely even been with Louis all night. The bother boys are fun, don't get him wrong. He likes them, adores them even. And yeah, it's been such a little bit of time, but he knows that he fucking likes and adores that gorgeous older man more.

'Like' as in like _like_. Of course he's not in love or some shit already, he just certainly fancies him. Since that time at the movies where they met, he felt like there would be something special with him.

But he has a stupid boyfriend, and the feelings are most likely not mutual. It sucks.

The thing is, he really wants Louis in his life, but he doesn't think that he can do it like this. It's almost painful to see him and Evan. Almost. He knows that later on, his feelings will grow and it'll be straight up painful.

But it's probably worth it, because Louis is such an amazing person. Evan is so so lucky, he thinks.

So, he's made a decision. He's decided to keep speaking to him, hanging out with him, but he's got to block out his feelings. And that's what he'll do. Unless Louis ends up liking him for some reason. Harry would absolutely die.

But this is his decision for now, because Louis has a boyfriend. He nods in agreement to himself, to his reasoning, and walks over to dance with a man. Because he's got to block his feelings. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey my tumblr's joaizzle, so you can like talk to me and stuff. or roast me. your choice


	5. how can I love when I'm afraid to fall

Harry's been acting strange.

Louis and him still meet every morning at the coffee shop, since last Monday even a cinnamon bun has been waiting for him next to the cup of tea.

But something just isn't right, it doesn't feel right.

Harry seems okay, he seems happy, just not himself. His smile is still as big as ever, but it seems as if he's been being really careful about the way he talks, what he says, and what he does. Or his behavior in general, one may say.

It seems to Louis that for some reason Harry isn't comfortable with him anymore, or feels as if he can't be himself.

And that really sucks for Louis because it makes him feel as if he did something wrong.

He's so used to Harry's witty (maybe flirtatious sometimes, but not too much) comments and his horrible jokes, which the fact that they're absolutely horrible is what makes them funny.

And then suddenly most of that was just gone. Of course he's still funny, still jokes, but it feels strange. It even seems he's having trouble making eye contact with Louis for too long.

For the first week he thought that maybe it was just him imagining things, which started after the boys all went to that club together.

So he just blows it off, but it's been persistent, it doesn't stop. He wants to confront him, but he doesn't know what to say, or if it would seem too dramatic of Louis since they haven't been friends for that long.

But the thing is, they're so close already. There's never an awkward silence, he always knows what to text back and apparently Harry does too. They clicked so fast as friends since the beginning, Louis had never met a person quiet like that. It was always so so so comfortable with Harry, but lately it's been different and Louis doesn't like it.

So now, on a Saturday evening, they're binge watching Breaking Bad because it's such a good show, and it turns out that they both were only a couple episodes apart and almost done with the whole show. So that's why they decided on that series.

They're laying on the couch, their folded legs facing each other with their toes barely touching and a bowl of popcorn each on their bellies. If Louis didn't think hard enough, he wouldn't notice the contact at their feet.

They're alone, Evan's at work, the rest of the boys are at who-knows-where, so Louis thinks it's the best time to ask Harry what's been going on.

He sits up slowly after putting the bowl of popcorn on the table in front of the couch, crossing his legs and muting the TV with the remote just as Walter's saying, "Say my name," And what type of metaphoric shit is that? He was about to say Harry's name.

"Hey, um. Harry," he says gently after putting the remote back down.

"Yeah, Lou? Something wrong?" Harry replies, not sitting up and peering up lazily at Louis. He stuffs popcorn into his mouth.

"Oh, no. Nothing. Just kinda wanted to talk to you about something, yeah?" It sounded more like a question, he's horrible at confronting people.

Harry's eyes widen a bit, but sits up too and says, "Of course. What is it?"

"I just," Louis scratches the back of his neck in thought. He's really unprepared, he should have thought what to say before. "I hope you know I consider you one of my best mates now." And, well, that wasn't exactly part of the plan. Or have anything to do with it, really.

"Oh, yeah? I consider you one of my best mates too," Harry's broken into a grin, looking more relaxed, and Louis' glad he said what he did.

"And I-just. I really like our friendship, like since the start. But, lately? You've been acting kind of strange, like you're not as comfortable with me-"

"What? Louis." Harry interrupts, leaning forward and grabbing Louis' hands in his with no thought. It kind of catches him off guard, but he lets him hold them. "I'm more than comfortable with you, I'm sorry if I made you feel like I wasn't. I've just been a little distracted, 'S all," he smiles warmly.

"Are you sure? I just want you to be yourself, Haz. Always,"

And now, looking into Harry's mind, he's absolutely shitting himself. He can't believe he's been so obvious about trying to avoid his growing feelings for Louis. Maybe he didn't catch on to the specific reason, but he definitely figured out that there was something strange. He feels bad that he straight up lied, but Louis just can't know. He can never find out that Harry has feelings for him, unless it's mutual. Which he doubts will ever happen, with Evan there and all.

And besides, he swears he's fucking hyperventilating right now. He's holding Louis' hands. And he's letting him, and even holding them back.

That may or may not give him a burst of confidence and goes to intertwine their fingers. And yeah, Louis looks a little (a lot) surprised, but he holds them back and even gives a little squeeze.

Harry's never felt so fucking happy before.

"Yeah, of course, Lou. Don't worry about me, okay? I'm always comfortable with you, enjoy your company so much." Harry says. And they stare softly at each other. His eyes are so blue and so beautiful, he thinks he could look into them all night.

Except Louis pulls back his hands gently and stands up.

"Are you hungry? I'm starving," Louis asks and walks over to where his phone's on the kitchen table. Harry may or may not have watched his bum. And his thighs. God.

Louis turns back around with his phone in his hand and he- woah. He's blushing. Did Harry do that? Why is he so red? He prays to God that Louis didn't notice him staring.

He sits back down on the couch, looking a little shy, and that makes harry hopeful again.

Except his hopes get destroyed all over again when Louis turns on his phone's screen and smiles so so big. Like a smile that only cute texts from a crush or lover could cause.

Harry clears his throat. "Yeah, I am a bit, why?"

"Oh, because I thought we could go somewhere, or I could order something. Is pizza okay?" Louis says after looking up, his smile gone and Harry almost pouts because he starts smiling at his phone again after Harry nods. Yeah, he's pouting. And he also huffs.

That causes Louis to look up, left eyebrow up with an amused look.

"Why are you pouting?" He laughs, putting his phone facing down on the couch. That makes Harry stop pouting. "Not giving you enough attention? If you ask me, I've given you more than enough attention today, Curly. You're the only person I've seen all day. I think I'm gonna go crazy,"

Harry laughs, shoving at Louis' chest playfully and he starts laughing too. If they were both blushing, none of them mentioned it.

Louis was relieved that they cleared it up, but he really hopes that there isn't anything actually bothering harry and making him upset, thus causing him to be distracted. Louis is sure that he would tell him, though.

After that, Louis orders the pizza and they have a debate on who's paying, which Louis wins because he uses the excuse that "You're my guest, Harry it's only fair." And then Harry said, "Fine, but when we do this at my place or we go somewhere next time, I'm paying."

After getting the pizza, they go back on the couch and each sit with their backs leaned on the armrests. Louis didn't notice when it happened, but their ankles are hooked in a comfortable way. He doesn't move away.

Harry's eating with his head looking down at his plate and Louis is staring at his hair. He slowly looks up, at first peeking with his eyes only, most likely feeling Louis' eyes on him.

"Why are you staring at me?" Harry chuckles.

Louis just smiles softly, tilting his head to the right. "How old are you, Haz?"

He swallows down the mouthful of pizza that was in his mouth. "'M 17, you?"

Louis sighs, he's the one looking down now. "I'm 18, I guess."He shrugs.

"You guess?"

"Yeah,"

"Why?"

"Let's just say that I've lived for a while because.. I haven't found my person," Louis says so so quietly, Harry has to lean and hold his breath to hear him. He sounds so ashamed of himself, so Harry quickly gets on his knees on the couch to be closer to the older man.

He shifts, thinking about what Louis just said. "I don't understand..." Louis looks up. "Isn't Evan your person?" It almost hurts to ask.

Louis laughs humorlessly. "No. Definitely not. I mean, I thought so, at first. But he, uh. He showed me these pictures of us from when I first moved here until recently. And it's cruelly funny because he's aging and I'm not, Harry. Do you know what that means?" He looks at the younger boy, his lips are agape but he doesn't say anything, so he goes on. "It means I'm _his_ person but he's not _my_ person. I didn't even know that could fucking happen."

Harry fish mouths, blinking a couple times. "Louis." He says, holding his hands like earlier, more gentle. "I hope you don't feel as if you owe him something because of that. Because you don't. It's not your fault that that had to happen. It's really not. You should be with someone that you want to be with, not-"

"But I do want to be with him, Harry. I like him, I really do."

Harry lets go of his hands, proceeding to sit back. "But do you love him?"

"Y-yeah. I do, of course." Louis says, but he stutters. His eyes are looking anywhere but at Harry's.

"Louis." He says, shaking his head.

"Can we change the subject, please?" He begs, before Harry can say anything. He just nods, turning to look at the TV.

The truth is, this is something that Louis thinks about daily. He worries, worries what the hell he's going to do because he can't just leave Evan, can he? But he feels sort of trapped, in a way. And that's not that good of a feeling.

And now Louis feels shitty. It feels like he just messed up everything with Harry again and he's afraid that he's going to start acting weird again, so he picks up the blanket that fell to the floor earlier and puts it over their legs. He timidly grabs Harry's hand under the blanket and intertwines their fingers. The younger boy gives his hand a squeeze and he doesn't know what the warm pull he felt in his chest means, but he does know that everything will be okay.


	6. but watching you stand alone

So, it turns out that Harry likes Evan. Or at least he can tolerate him now, which his envy for him had prevented him to do so earlier.

He's a decent guy, a good guy, Harry had just been a little petty before. Now he feels a bit guilty because Evan's being so nice to him right now.

Harry had stayed the latest he could on Saturday night, the day Louis and him were hanging out alone and watching Breaking Bad. He had to leave when Evan came home and saw them way too cozy together on the couch. Not that he had gotten angry and kicked Harry out, he just knew it was his cue to leave.

It had almost hurt how quick Louis jumped up from the couch when he walked in, but Harry understands. He's not supposed to look at Louis' behavior towards him any more than platonic. He's still trying to get into that mentality completely, though.

So now it's Monday and the boys had all planned go out together somewhere again, but Zayn, Liam, and Niall had to cancel. How fucking amazing, right? Phenomenal. Perfect. Brilliant.

Evan's sitting on the couch and Harry's sitting in front of him on a chair that he brought from the kitchen. They're waiting for Louis to get ready to go out because he just got home from work and would very much prefer to be in more comfortable clothes.

He's pretty sure Evan doesn't feel it, but Harry feels like there's an elephant in the room. Of course Evan wouldn't feel it. Why would he? He has no idea of Harry's current feelings for Louis. Nobody else knows but himself, and he's planning to keep it that way. Maybe he can convince himself that he actually doesn't have feelings and it's just infatuation from just meeting him. Not only could he falsely convince himself, but maybe it's actually true. That would be absolutely bloody fantastic, convenient even.

Evan's making small talk with Harry, but Harry's not exactly cooperating all that much. He's trying so hard not to scoff as Evan asks him question like where he's from or so. He needs to quit being so bitter because Evan's done nothing to him, but he can't help it. He keeps responding with the shortest answers as possible.

It's gonna be a long evening. But when Louis emerges from his room in an orange jumper and light blue skinny jeans, he thinks maybe it won't be that bad. His hair is completely up in a quiff and yeah, Harry's sure he's going to have dreams about this. He looks gorgeous.

"Ready to go?" Evan says at the same time that Harry says, "You should take a jacket with that, Lou, it's January," as they both stand up from their seats.

"You first," Evan laughs.

"You should take a jacket with that. It's going to be cold, it's January." Harry repeats.

"It's not that cold right now, though. It'll be fine," Louis replies as he walks over to the kitchen counter and picks up his keys from a bowl to hand them to Evan.

"But it will be a lot colder later, like at night," Harry insists, softly.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, mate, Louis knows what he's doing." Evan interferes and Harry almost growls at him in annoyance, but instead he just shrugs to look indifferent and they leave shortly after.

Evan drives, with Louis in the passenger seat next to him and Harry in the back. They're holding hands and Harry is so third-wheeling. He feels stupid.

He sighs, putting his forehead against the car window and looking out. His breath causes a small spot of white fog in the middle of the glass, so he decides to draw a heart in it by wiping it away with his index finger. He can hear Evan and Louis talking softly in the front of the car, but he doesn't focus on their voices enough to eavesdrop on what they're saying.

As he's watching the scenes outside the car flash by, his phone vibrates against his thigh in his front pocket. He jumps a little, but quickly takes it out.

**From: Louis.**

**U ok ?**

He frowns a little, confused. He looks up at Louis and he's already watching him. He gives Harry a questioning smile, as if asking if he's okay again. And he nods quickly, grinning so so big because Louis cared. Maybe not in the way Harry cares, but he did. It's not that he thought Louis wouldn't care, it just feels so good to get a type of confirmation this way.

It turns out that it was a pub that they were going to, just to eat dinner apparently. Once inside, a waiter leads them to a booth, where Louis and Evan sit together on one side and Harry on the other. He looked down and huffed to himself, feeling more and more uncomfortable as the night went on because they probably looked like a date with an intruder.

After they ordered their drinks and the waiter brought them to take their order of food, Harry hadn't decided what to pick yet.

"Uh-what would you think would be a good choice?" He asks the waiter, after he writes down Louis and Evan's orders.

He hummed and Harry noticed that was _subtly_ eyeing him by moving his eyes up and down his sitting body. His eyes widened a little and the waiter notices he's been caught, so he clears his throat to try to play it off.

"Um, my personal favorite's the fish and chips, mate. It's really good," he says.

"I don't really like fish that much," Harry says, scratching the side of his head and looking down at the menu again.

"You're lying!" the waiter giggles. "Who doesn't like fish?"

"I'm serious! I don't lie," Harry says. "It's not in my genes." he grins.

"So what _do you_ have in those _jeans_?" The waiter says and it takes Harry a fucking second to get it. But he bursts out laughing when he does, covering his mouth, inside feeling so embarrassed and flattered and he's sure he's bright red.

"Oh my god!" Harry laughs, trying to calm down."That was good!" The waiter laughs with him, his face a light shade of pink as well.

Harry feels something on his ankle, he ignores it at first because he thinks maybe it was the table's leg or something, but it's still there. He frowns and looks down under the table. He raises his eyebrows when he realizes that Louis' foot is hooked around his ankle, gently tugging Harry's leg towards him.

He looks up at Louis, and he's shocked to see that he's staring at the waiter intently, as if he wants to say something to him but is having self control.

So to prevent that, because he knows how much Louis can say, "Yeah, just bring me the fish and chips," Harry agrees, smiling softly.

The waiter nods, smiling back at him and glancing at Louis for a split second.

Harry clears his throat, pulling his leg away from Louis' and crossing his own ankles.

"Wow, mate. That guy was so into you," Evan chuckles, oblivious to what's happening under the table. Harry just shrugs, but chuckles along too. Louis isn't laughing.

Their food is served and they make small, comfortable talk. It wasn't nearly as bad as Harry would have imagined it would be, he's grateful things were in his favor tonight. Halfway through his meal, he notices that the waiter slipped a napkin with his number written on it under Harry's plate and he quickly shoves it into the pocket of his jacket.

And it turned out that the fish and chips were really good, despise Harry's slight dislike of fish. Or sea food at all.

They leave shortly after they're done and it's already dark when they go outside. This time Harry drives, Evan in the front with him and Louis in the back. It feels a little strange, but he feels like he could at least do this favor because Evan kept on insisting to pay for his food along with his and Louis' until Harry finally agreed.

The drive back is mostly quiet, but it's comfortable.

When they get back, Harry says goodbye to the both of them, saying a couple 'thank you's and mentioning how lovely it was to hang out with them.

They go inside, Evan being the second one to go in and the building's door closes behind him. Harry walks to his car parked on the side of the road.

But then he stops as he's in the middle of swinging the car door open, a soft voice calling him.

"Harry?" Louis calls, standing against the building's door. He looks so small, his hands tucked into his sleeves, causing sweater paws.

"Yeah?" He calls back softly, closing the car door again and turning to Louis, who's starting to walk towards him.

"Wanna go on a short walk to the park over there?" He asks, pointing with his right sweater paw to a small area of just grass next to the building in front of Louis and Evan's, where their flat is in.

"Of course," Harry says immediately, stepping to stand next to Louis. And they go, walking through the darkness across the empty road onto the soft grass.

When they reach the center, Louis plops down and pats the spot next to him invitingly. Harry joins him, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

"It's not cloudy tonight, the stars look n-nice," Louis says and Harry nods, but turns to look at him to find out why he stuttered. He notices that he's slightly shivering, desperately trying to make his hands go higher up his jumper's sleeves.

"Lou," Harry breathes, quickly shrugging off his wool jacket, and Louis quickly starts shaking his head to reject the jacket.

"No, Louis. You need it more than me. Come on," he insists, kneeling behind Louis and holding up the jacket so Louis can put his arms through the arm holes, and he does. Harry zips it up for him so he doesn't have to take his hands out of the sleeves, Louis whining about how he's not a little kid and trying to bat away Harry's hands. But he doesn't listen and zips it up all the way. He sits back down on the grass, looking back up at the stars.

"You're gonna get cold," Louis says, sounding slightly sad.

"No, I'm okay. This long sleeve is warm enough," Harry smiles at him. He's actually really cold, but it's bearable, he isn't shivering.

"Thank you," Louis says quietly and leans to the side to rest his head on Harry's shoulder. And Harry cautiously puts his arm around the smaller boy's waist in response

They talk a bit. The conversation slowly starts to get serious, Harry noticed that Louis is slowly building up to what he really wants to talk about. What he wants to vent about.

Eventually, Louis is weeping into the crook of Harry's neck and clinging on to him because he doesn't know else what do. He says he's scared.

"I don't think I'm in love with him, Harry. I don't feel like he's the one," He whimpers. "B-but I can't do that to him,"

Harry rubs his back soothingly, his lips against Louis' ear. "Do whatever it takes to make YOU happy, Lou. Always," he whispered.

And it eventually gets way too cold, even for Louis who has the jacket on. Harry gets up first, then helping the currently vulnerable Louis up by his small hands.

They walk back silently, Louis wiping at his face desperately to dry it and make it seem like he wasn't crying, but it's too late because his eyes are still red.

"It's okay, I'm sure he's asleep by now," Harry says, trying to calm down Louis' nervous hands still wiping at his face. He nods, giving up and putting his hands into the pockets of Harry's jacket.

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" Harry pulls him into a tight hug.

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is joaizzle if you wanna come talk to me :)


	7. all my doubt suddenly goes away

Louis and Harry have been meeting up at the coffee shop every day and they spend the most time they can together during the weekends. They're attached at the hip, they're ridiculous.

And Louis feels guilty, as always. Harry says he shouldn't, and that he's way too good of a person for this terrible world to be feeling guilty about anything. He doesn't believe him.

He feels guilty because, honestly? He feels like he hasn't spent that much time with Evan, his _boyfriend_. His work schedule changed because he got promoted, it now consists of working every day except weekends. He goes in later now, which great for him, but that means he gets out later too. Louis is almost asleep by the time he gets home. And what does Louis do on the weekends? He spends it with Harry instead of being home with Evan. His guilt is his own fault and he knows it.

And Louis feels terrible because Evan's his boyfriend and Harry's his best friend.

After reasoning with himself, he's decided to spend more time with Evan, he doesn't want them to drift apart. He loves him after all, right? Well, at least he's supposed to.

_Always do what makes YOU happy._

Every day after Louis leaves the coffee shop, Harry texts him that same phrase 5 minutes after he leaves. Every. Single. Day.

He hasn't missed a single day after the day that Louis broke down at the park. He appreciates it so much, of course he does.

But it's honestly easier said than done. Maybe Louis just isn't as strong as Harry thinks he is. Now, Harry is the jealous type, even he knows it.

So when Louis started spending his weekends with him instead of Evan, he was absolutely delighted. It's not that he's a crazy person, he just really likes Louis and likes to think that he has a chance with him despite Evan being there.

Therefore, when Louis texts Harry that he has to cancel their Saturday plans at the last minute, he pouts extra hard.

Louis felt like it was the right thing to do, though. It had literally been a last minute cancellation, too.

Him and Harry had made plans since the morning, it was early. He had just grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter and was about to leave through the front door when, "Louis.. Where are you going?" Is heard from the couch.

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around slowly towards Evan.

"Uh, I have plans to hang out with Harry today. Why?" He had replied, swallowing his guilt.

"I don't mean to sound like crazy or controlling, but. Again?"

"What do you mean?" Louis had replied, frowning as he carefully put his keys back on the kitchen counter.

"It's just. We haven't really had time together recently, don't you think?"

And he was right, they hadn't. Louis had noticed too. Matter of fact, he was the cause of that. And Evan looks so sad, shoulders hunched. He has a small smile, one that Louis knows he has on so he knows that he isn't mad at him.

Louis had nodded. "You're right," he had taken out his phone. "I'll text him to cancel right now,"

And he did, he texted Harry he couldn't go out today, he didn't give an explanation- but Harry knew why.

He also canceled Sunday. It was beneficial for both of them, as Harry decided to hang with Niall, while Louis and Evan spent some lovely quality time together.

It was a win-win situation. It was almost a win-lose, though, because Louis' chest physically hurt from missing his Harry. For all he knows, it could have been a lose-lose situation for the same type of reasons, though.

Despite that, he was planning to do the same thing next weekend. In the middle of the week, he figured out that he just couldn't, though.

He had been texting Liam.

**From: Liam. So, you coming to Harry's party on Saturday night?**

And, what? Harry hadn't mentioned any parties.

_To: Liam. What party, mate?_

**From: Liam. His birthday party! He hasn't told you?**

And as Harry hadn't mentioned any parties, he definitely hadn't mentioned his birthday either.

After confirming with Liam that Harry's birthday was in fact on Saturday, he immediately called Harry while he was in lunch break.

"Hello?"

"Why didn't you tell me it's your birthday this Saturday?" He didn't even greet him back.

There's a couple beats of silence until Harry replied, "it hadn't really crossed my mind,"

Louis scoffs, chuckling. "Really, Harry?" He says afterwards.

"Yeah," Harry says, softly. A softness that Louis felt like it was reserved for him only, and he didn't know why.

"Yeah? You weren't going to invite me to your party?" Louis replies, softly too.

"Nope. I was going to go straight to your flat and pick you up so you wouldn't ditch me like last weekend," Harry says, but Louis can hear the grin in his voice.

He finds himself grinning to himself as well as he sits further back in his chair, looking down and grabbing at one of his shirt's buttons distractedly.

Except Harry wasn't joking. As Louis was getting ready to head over to Harry's for the party, there was knocking at his door. When he swung the door open, rather confused, Harry was standing there.

"Harry." He states. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at your party?" He says as moves out of the way to let Harry in.

"I said I was gonna come to pick you up, didn't I?" He grins, but Louis notices it falters a bit as Evan walks into the livingroom.

"Almost rea- Oh. Harry, hey. I didn't know you were coming.. Isn't the party yours?" He asks, frowning a little, but still smiling kindly. HE'S the one too good for this world, Louis thinks.

"Yeah, it is! I uh," Harry says, quickly scratching a spot on his head. "I just came to pick you guys up,"

"Why?"

"Oh, you know. You guys are probably gonna get drunk and- So are you guys ready?" He rushes to not so subtly change the subject and Louis almost laughs. Harry looks relieved when Evan doesn't push it.

After Louis finishes getting ready, they all leave in Harry's car. He drives, Evan sitting next to him in the passenger seat, and Louis in the back. It's a little awkward.

It turns out that the party's at Zayn's new house that Louis hadn't been to yet. When they go in, the music is really really loud and it's such a cliche party that Louis nearly throws up. Or maybe it's just the strong stench of alcohol.

When they walk in further into the livingroom, Louis is immediately greeted by Zayn. "Mate! I can't believe Harry was serious about going to pick you up," he shouts over the music, laughing afterwards. He seems a bit drunk already.

He makes a funny face at Harry's direction in response and it makes Zayn laugh harder, he joins in.

And he can't help but look over at Harry, his lips curling up into a soft smile as he watches him talk excitedly to Liam.

"Where's Niall?" Louis asks.

As soon as he asks that, he points to where Liam and Harry are, Niall's barely joining them.

He gives a little farewell wave to Zayn and walks over to the two boys to talk to Liam and Niall.

"Hey!" He shouts over the music.

"Mate hey!" Liam shouts back happily, he looks a bit drunk already too. "Where's Evan?"

"I don't know! He probably went off somewhere to get a drink," he shrugs.

"You should go get one too!" Liam says and Niall nods eagerly. A drinker, that boy.

And he does, but not before motioning with his head for Harry to join him with a smile. Harry absolutely beams.

They go into the kitchen, where it's more quiet, and they get their drinks. As the night moved forward, they start getting more alcohol in their system by the minute.

Before they knew it, they were drunk off their arses, stumbling around with their arms locked together.

"You wanna g-go somewhere to get sober so we won't wake up with that bad of a hangover?" Harry says into his ear, with a slight slur, after Louis finished his current drink Louis just nods and Harry tugs on his arm towards a certain direction.

They sway through the livingroom, bumping into bodies until they finally stumble into a room. The music sounds muffled now, allowing normal leveled talking to be heard properly.

"There's a," hiccup. "restroom over there so you can wash your face," Harry says, throwing a lazy thumb towards a door in the right side of the room.

Louis doesn't say anything, just goes over the restroom and splashes cold water on his face. It doesn't help much, but any help is appreciated.

He stumbles back into the room, Harry sprawled on his bed but he sits up quickly when Louis shuts the restroom's door.

He lazily pats the spot on the bed next to him, smiling. Louis obliges eagerly.

"Happy birthday, curly." He says loudly, leaning into Harry. Harry wraps his arm around him contently. He suddenly feels fully elated.

"Thank you," he murmurs into Louis' hair.

"You know," Louis starts. "I can't be just friends with you," he slurs, poking Harry's chest with his index finger.

Harry's heart stops for a second, he feels a tad bit sobered up. He can only manage a "Wh-at?"

"Mmm," Louis replies, leaning further into Harry and closing his eyes.

But Harry's way too alert, he needs to know what this means.

He moves back a little, supporting Louis with his hands instead. The smaller, yet older boy, sits up and opens his eyes again with a frown. "'M tired." He whines.

Harry grabs his face in his hands, looking into Louis' eyes.

"Hi," Louis whispers, holding Harry's face back. Their faces are really close.

"Hey," Harry whispers back, grinning.

Louis' hot breath is fanning on his lips and his mind is so hazy that almost missed the alcohol breath. Their noses are touching, causing Harry a slight tickle where their skin is making contact. Their faces are way too close for Harry's health, in his opinion, because his drunk heart is rabbiting.

His hopes are high, and he's feeling brave. And he's drunk. There's a part of his mind saying Don't do it, but he doesn't listen to it. So he does it.

"Can I kiss you?"

At that, Louis' smile falters and his eyes widen a little. And he's suddenly standing up, wiping his hands on his thighs, Harry's heart dropping.

"I'm sor-" Harry starts, but Louis interrupts him.

"Let's go back to your party, yeah?" He says, and he stumbles out of the room before Harry can respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me on tumblr @ joaizzle if you'd like :)


	8. somehow

At first, a part (half) of Harry was hoping that Louis didn't remember what happened Saturday night. But of course, is to Harry's luck, he apparently did. 

They hadn't talked at all on Sunday, and it really wasn't that big of a deal because it's reasonable that Louis was probably recovering from the hangover. Harry knows he, himself, was.  

But now they're sitting across from each other at their usual coffee shop on Monday. Harry never thought he would think this with anything related to Louis, but he thinks it's kind of awkward right now. For the first time ever in their friendship, it feels awkward between them. And that feels terrible. 

Not only is it awkward, but Louis is all jittery and he keeps glancing at the clock, as if he  _doesn't want to be there_. Harry has his bottom lip between his teeth, frowning and observing Louis who is just looking down at his hands holding his tea. 

They've been quiet for about 5 minutes. Their only conversation went something like 

"Hi." Louis had said as he sat down across Harry

"Hey."

"Hangover bad yesterday?"

"It was alright, you?"

"Yeah, it wasn't that bad." 

Louis had just nodded at Harry's response, not even attempting to take the attempted conversation further. Observing him, Harry is almost completely certain that Louis remembers what he did and said. They had to discuss it eventually, right? So why not now?

Harry clears his throat. 

"Hey, Louis. Um-" he's interrupted. 

"Listen, I have to go to work a bit early. Have to get some stuff ready for my students. Sorry. Have a good day, yeah?" He shot up from his seat as soon as Harry started talking, and it kind of hurt. 

When the door made a ding sound, indicating when Louis opened the door to walk out, Harry realized that even his chest physically hurt. 

He blinked quickly a few times, slowly getting out of his seat and picking up their cups to throw them away. And the cinnamon roll that Louis hadn't even bothered to touch. 

Harry was confused. 

Louis was confused too. 

He gripped the steering wheel, letting out a deep breath through his nose to prevent himself from turning the car around and going back to Harry. 

He wanted to turn around and say sorry to him so so bad. Sorry for walking out on him for the second time and just leaving him sitting there, looking small and sad. 

If Louis wasn't convinced that he's a bad person before, he is now. 

His phone buzzes next to him on the passenger seat a couple minutes later, but he only glances at it. He can look at it when he gets to the school. It buzzes again before he gets there. 

He steps on the pedal harder, praying to whatever powerful being there is, that there are no cops around where he is. To his luck, there isn't, and he gets to his work quickly. 

He gets out of the car, slamming the door shut and walking around to the passenger side's door. He pulls out his briefcase and shoves his phone into his slack's pocket and starts walking. 

He's about half an hour early than the time that he usually gets there, and he actually has nothing to do. He has everything ready for today, so he just sits down on his rolling chair and takes out his phone. The two buzzes were the result of two texts. One from from Harry and one from Evan. Ironic. 

The universe absolutely hates him. Why can't he live in an alternative universe that doesn't hate him?

**From: Evan.**

**Baby, hi. I hope you have a good day.**

His stomach twists and he puts a hand over this mouth thoughtfully. He uses his other hand to tap into Harry's message. 

**From: Harry.**

  
**Always do what makes YOU happy.**  

Double twist. Yeah, the universe definitely fucking despises him. 

And Louis knows what's inevitable, he knows it has to happen eventually. So he decides to speed it up. 

_To: Harry._

_We need to talk._

He just texts back a mere "okay."

Louis is nervous all day, trying to think of what to say. Or it's more of  _how_  he's going to say. He knows what he's going to say. What he has to say. What he has to let Harry know. 

When the school day is over, he puts his things in his briefcase, taking his sweet time because he's trying to stall talking to Harry. After he gets everything together, he walks ridiculously slow through the parking lot and to his car. He's being childish, he knows that, but he's never claimed to be all that mature. 

He opens the passenger door to his car and places the briefcase on the seat, this time he doesn't toss his phone there too. 

He walks around to the driver's side and gets in, shutting the door after he gets in. He buckles up and just sits there. He knows he needs to call Harry, not to have the talk through the phone, but it's just that neither of them had mentioned anything about where they're going to meet. 

 

Before he even moves, his phone starts buzzing on his lap and his heart starts beating fast when he notices it's Harry. 

"Hello?" He says after putting his phone up to his ear and clearing his throat. 

"Hey, Lou. Was wondering where we're going to talk? And if today?" Harry's deep voice asks through the line. 

"Yeah, yeah. Today. We can meet wherever's good for you," Louis says, putting his hand that's not holding his phone on the steering wheel. 

"My flat? I'm here already. Unless you want me to go to you instead," Harry says timidly. 

"No no," Louis chuckles. "Just text me the address, yeah?" 

"Yeah, okay. Are you coming, like, right now?"

"Yeah, I'll be on my way as soon as I get the address. See you soon," Louis says the last part softly. 

"See you," Harry says just as softly and then Louis hangs up. 

Not even a minute later, he gets Harry's text with his address. It's strange because Louis had never put thought into how he's never been to Harry's flat. They always hang out at a public place or at Louis' and Evan's flat. He doesn't know what to expect. 

He types in the address into the somewhat slow touch screen of his car's stereo, the destination is about 15 minutes away. He turns the key, making the car start up, and he drives out of the parking lot. 

As the GPS had claimed, he's parked in front of the building 15 minutes later. He turns off the car and hops out with a huff, slamming the door shut behind him. 

The first thing he notices is that it's a  _really_  tall building, and Louis checks Harry's message again to check what floor and number he was at. 

He walks in and goes straight into the elevator. He takes a deep breath, loosens up his tie, and undoes 3 buttons at the top of his shirt out of nerves. 

"Here it goes," he whispers to himself, sighing once he's standing in front of Harry's door. He brings up his fist and knocks, hearing steps approaching soon after. 

The door swings open and the world's most beautiful boy, in Louis' opinion, is standing there. 

"Come in," Harry grins, moving out of the way so Louis can walk in. They lock eyes, Louis not being able to hold back his own grin as he walks on. He wonders if he ever did feel nervous at all earlier because he feels amazing now. 

And you know what? Maybe the universe doesn't despise him at all. It must not, because it put Harry in his life. 

He looks around, and the place is just _so Harry_ , Louis loves it. It's so cleaned up spotless, and he's not the least bit surprised. 

His back is facing Harry as he looks around, and he clears his throat to get Louis' attention. 

He turns around quickly. Of course he does. "Nice place. It's so you," Louis chuckles. 

"You think so?" Harry laughs too and Louis nods, still smiling. 

"So.." They say at the same time after a few seconds of silence. 

"So," Louis sniffs, shoving his hands into his pockets. "We were gonna talk,"

Harry nods. 

"Do you know about what?"

"I- I might have an idea. I'm not completely sure, though." Harry says, and Louis nods this time. 

"I wanted to talk about what happened at your birthday party," he explains. "In Zayn's? room."

"Yeah, I assumed right." Harry says quietly. 

"Listen, Harry. I remember what I said, okay? I remember every bit of it. I remember what you asked me," Harry's cheeks flush at that part, and his eyes dart around the room to avoid eye contact. "And. I don't know what to make out of it. I don't know why I said that," Harry's face drops. "Not that I didn't mean it," Louis adds quickly. "I don't know how we can talk about this, I really don't. I feel like all of this is wrong, Haz. I have a boyfriend," Harry looks away. "And I don't know how to handle this. I'm not that strong," Harry opens his mouth to protest, but Louis puts up his hand to stop him. He closes his mouth, but continues to frown. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I just walked out on you like that. I'm sorry that I did it twice.I don't deserve someone like you. Not in a thousand years,"

"And what happened in that room was wrong, I shouldn't be doing stuff like that. But I am. And the guilt is eating me alive. I'm sorry if I hurt you by basically straight up rejecting you," Louis continues, looking down now. "But now  _I_  have one question for you," he turns his head back up, looking at Harry. He's biting his bottom lip, looking back at Louis intently. 

Louis steps forward, so much forward that his chest is only an inch or two from being against Harry's. He cautiously lifts his hands and puts them gently on his face, one hand on each cheek. He can feel Harry's breath hitch, and he just keeps staring at him in the eye. They look so green, so lively. Gorgeous. 

Their faces are so close and Harry's too quiet. He's starting to think that maybe this was a bad idea. He can still turn back, but his body refuses to move away from Harry. He lovingly strokes Harry's cheekbones with his thumbs, watches as his eyes flutter close. 

Louis pulls his head gently down a little, putting their foreheads together. He closes his eyes too, sighing. 

"Harry Styles," he starts saying in a whisper. "How and why did I fall in love with you?"


	9. one step closer

_**(Previously)** _

_Louis pulls his head gently down a little, putting their foreheads together. He closes his eyes too, sighing._

_"Harry Styles," he starts saying in a whisper. "How and why did I fall in love with you?"_

_Harry's eyes widen as he takes a shaky breath, but doesn't try to move away._

"Louis," he breathes, raising his hands and locking Louis' wrists with his middle fingers and thumbs. 

"Yeah?" Louis replies, continuing to stoke Harry's cheekbones with his thumbs as they just stare at each other's eyes. 

"I'm in love with you too."

At that, Louis sighs happily and tilts his head to the side, leans in, and presses his lips on Harry's philtrum. Harry tilts his head up to kiss Louis, but he just  _can't_ , not now. So he breaks away and before Harry can pout, which Louis knows him well enough to know that he will, he leans back in and presses a kiss to Harry's throat. 

"Bed?" Louis whispers as he removes his lips, Harry nodding immediately. 

He steps back and grabs Louis' smaller hand, tugging him backwards. They walk down the hallway with their hands together until they reach a room, which Louis assumes is Harry's room.

He's barely starting to look around when Harry pulls him a little harder and sits on the edge of the bed. Louis stands between his legs, pushing him down gently by his shoulders to lay on his back. Harry crawls backwards on his elbows further up the bed, Louis climbing on and straddling his hips. 

Harry purses his lips, expecting a kiss as Louis leans down, but he frowns when he goes down to his neck instead. 

He dismisses it when Louis starts kissing slowly under his ear and up his jaw to his chin, and then down his throat again. He settles on the hollow that his collar bones make in the middle, gently sucking. He knows it's going to leave a mark. 

All Louis is doing is kissing around his neck, but God, are Harry's pants  _tightening_. 

When Louis' done sucking on Harry's collarbone, he moves his head up and kisses Harry's cheek. He starts to sit up and about to lift his leg to get off, but Harry puts an arm around his waist, pressing him back down. He has to put a lot of effort to hold back the groan when their hard groins grind together. 

"Where are you going?" Harry asks, his voice raspier than normal. 

Louis clears his throat. "I have to go,"

"Why?"

"I need to go home,"

"Why don't you stay here?" Harry asks, tightening his arm around Louis. 

Louis puts his hand on Harry's cheek lovingly and he leans into it, staring at Louis with bright and curious eyes. 

Louis fucking hates himself. 

"Because someone's waiting for me at home."

At that, Harry's arm goes limp around Louis until it's back at his side and he starts sitting up as Louis' climbing off. He stands with his back to Louis, looking down sadly and feeling like a fool with a damn hard-on in his pants. 

"Harry, baby, please. You have to underst-"

Harry turns around angrily, frowning at Louis. He wishes it was that easy. "No, yeah, I get it. Go back home to your lovely boyfriend,"

"Harry," Louis pleads. 

"Go," 

"Baby-"

"Go, Louis. I want to be alone anyway," Harry says, walking out into the hallway towards the front door as Louis follows. 

He opens the door and stands waiting expectantly. 

Louis shyly walks out, turning around back to Harry. He sees so much hurt in the younger boy's eyes. He wants to apologize, he wants to tell him that he'll go to his flat right now and leave Evan to be with him, he wants to make it right. But he can't do that right now. All he can think to do right now is swallow down the guilt. "I'll see you soon?" 

Harry just shrugs, closing the door slowly. 

Louis fucking hates himself. 

He walks back to his car and gets in. He punches the steering wheel repeatedly in anger at himself. 

"Fuck!" He shouts to himself, slamming his hands on the steering wheel one more time. He turns on the ignition and drives to his home. Except he doesn't feel like he's driving home, he feels like he's driving  _away_  from home. Home is where the heart is, right? 

He feels like everything is worse off now than it was before he came to talk to Harry. 

When he walks in, Evan's home. He's sitting on the couch with his legs in criss cross, his arm extended forward with the TV remote in his hand as he's flipping through channels. 

When Louis shuts the door behind him, Evan's head turns to the sound and his face lightens up at the sight of him. 

"Hey," he grins, glancing back at the TV once more and puts the remote down next to him. He uncrosses his legs and pats the area between his legs. "Come here?" 

Louis nods, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket. He walks over, but instead of sitting between his legs, he straddles Evan's thighs. 

"Woah there," he chuckles, but is cut off by Louis lips. 

He holds on to the back of Evan's neck as he kisses him, automatically putting his tongue in. He groans, tilting his head to the side to kiss easier.

He can't help but pretend it's Harry.

The more he kisses Evan, the more he feels as if he's digging himself into a hole. He's not a cheater, okay? He couldn't do that to Evan, or to anyone, even if he loves Harry so fucking much. He wants to kiss his lips, he wants to make love to him slow and hard, he wants to kiss every inch of his skin so so gently to make him feel like he's the most valuable thing in this world. To Louis he really is, at least. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, though, he really doesn't. But he can't control his feelings. He loves Harry, not Evan. And he knows better. He knows that he's going to have to hurt one of them because he's got himself into the deepest hole that he probably could have avoided.

He breaks away, panting with his eyes closed. 

"Louis," Evan whispers, causing him to open his eyes again. 

"Yeah?" He whispers back, smiling softly. 

"You know what I noticed?" He asks. 

"Hmmm?"

"You've been aging," Louis' heart drops. "I-i was scared because I really thought you weren't, but you are." Evan says, his smile slowly growing as he talks further. He's looking down at Louis' hip bone as he rubs in circles on it with his thumb. 

"Yeah?" Louis asks, his voice nearly cracks. He can't do this. Evan thinks he's aging because they're mutual soulmates, but Louis knows that's not the reason. He knows the reason is because he met Harry. 

"Yeah, isn't that great?" 

Louis swings one leg over, sitting back on the couch next to Evan. Evan grabs his hand once he does, intertwining their fingers. 

"Yeah, babe. See? I told you I was," Louis says, staring at their hands. Liar. 

"Yeah, sorry." Evan chuckles. "I'm just paranoid."

-

On Monday, Louis actually builds up the nerve to show up at the coffee shop. He just really wants to see Harry. 

He walks in and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees Harry sitting at their usual spot. He smiles when he sees that he has the second cup of tea and cinnamon bun waiting for Louis too. 

Nonetheless, he sits down cautiously in front of Harry. He doesn't look up from his book, which his eyes are glued to and scanning. 

"Harry?" Louis says. 

"Hmm?" he hums in response. 

"Hi,"

"Hey,"

Awkward silence again. He hates it. So he gets the cup of tea and lifts it to his lips, pretending that his heart didn't just deflate. 

Then Harry abruptly stands up, shutting his book and putting it in his bag. 

"Are you leaving?" Louis asks timidly as Harry slings the strap of his bag over his shoulder. 

"Yeah," he says, pushing his chair in. "I gotta go early because I have an exam to take," 

Louis nods slowly. "Oh okay,"

"See you," Harry says, waving and turning to walk away. 

"Wait," Louis says, standing up and stumbling to where Harry's standing. He looks a little surprised but turns to face Louis again. He presses a kiss to Harry's cheek. 

When he pulls away, Harry's biting his bottom lip harshly, trying to hide a grin. Louis' doing he same thing. 

"See you soon, yeah?" Louis says. 

Harry nods. "How soon?"

"Later today," 

Harry doesn't try to hide the grin anymore. The awkwardness vanished and Louis wonders if it was ever there begin with.

 It turns out that he wasn't lying about the exam, so he rushes out, glancing over his shoulder a few times as he waves at Louis. 

He's relieved that Harry isn't mad at him like he thought he was. On his way to work, like always, Harry texts him to do what makes HIM happy. For the first time, Louis replies. 

**To: Harry**

**Being with you makes me happy.**

He happily drives to work with Harry on his mind and even his students are surprised at how happy he is today, but they don't say anything. 

When his lunch time comes, he quickly goes over to the office and asks for permission to leave early, making up a fake excuse about a doctor's appointment. When he's granted the permission, he quickly goes back into his classroom and shoves everything into his briefcase. 

He greets the substitute teacher that walks in as he's putting on his jacket and rushes to his car. 

He honestly doesn't know at what time Harry goes out to lunch, or if he does at all, but he's on his way to where he attends uni at. 

On his way there, he picks up some Chinese takeout. He also stops at a bakery to pick up some scones, which he learned a while ago is Harry's favorite pastry. 

When he finally gets to the uni, he feels kind of lost and confused because he had never really been there before. He had driven by it before, of course, but didn't have a reason to stop here until now. He gets out of the car and leans against it, looking around. 

A lot of students seem to be coming out, so he figures they're going out for lunch too. He wants to surprise Harry, so he holds back from taking his phone out to call him to ask him where he's at and just waits, trying his luck. 

After a few minutes, he huffs and pushes himself off the car to start walking around because luck is apparently not on his side right now. 

He walks around the campus until he's completely at the other side, and that's when he spots Harry. He's leaning against the wall, talking to a blond girl, nodding along. She has her hand on his shoulder and is smiling widely, almost flirtatiously, and Louis doesn't know what to do. 

He's at a place where he can see Harry, but Harry can't see him. He can leave, it's not too late, but he can't decide. 

He shifts on his feet and he decides to just walk closer to him. When he's halfway closer, the blonde takes a step towards Harry and he gulps, stopping in his tracks. 

To his relief, Harry takes a subtle step back. He continues walking and stands a few feet behind Harry awkwardly, waiting for them to finish their conversation. He puts his hands into his slacks' pockets, looking around. 

There's a cold wind running through, and the grass is a pale yellow color, along with the trees. 

He can hear their conversation, the girl's going on about some party she went to this weekend as she laughs obnoxiously. Harry just says words like "really?" and "wow" at appropriate times. He knows Harry so well, he knows he's completely uninterested in the conversation, but he's too nice. 

He wonders if he would be saving Harry if he  were to interrupt. So he does. 

"Hello," Louis says, stepping next to Harry and putting an arm around his waist, hand resting on his hip. 

Harry's head snaps to Louis' face, looking far more surprised than what Louis was hoping for. Goal achieved. 

"Uh, hi?" The girl says, voice annoyingly high pitched and Louis almost rolls his eyes. She looks down to his hand on Harry's hip and she slowly retrieves her hand from his shoulder. 

"Hey," Harry says, grinning up at Louis. 

"Alright?" he says, glancing between the blonde and Harry, small smile. 

"I'll see you later Harry," she says, ignoring Louis and turns around to walk away after Harry just waves at her. 

"Oh my goodness," Harry sighs in relief. "She was driving me nuts."

Louis laughs. "Was she, really?"

"Yes," he rolls his eyes. "She's nice and all, but I really don't care about her weekend adventures,"

"Hmmm." Louis responds, removing his arm from around Harry and intertwines their fingers instead. Harry's hands are cold. "Follow me," he starts walking back towards where he remembers he came from, tugging Harry along gently. 

"Poor girl, Niall told me she fancies me a lot." Harry says, walking next to Louis. 

"Why 'poor girl?'" Louis asks, eyebrow raised. 

"Because she has no idea that I'm gay."

At that, Louis laughs delightedly and shakes his head, but doesn't say anything as they approach his car. 

"So, why are you here?" Harry asks. "Not that I don't want you here," he adds quickly. "Just wondering why?"

"I promised we'd see each other again today," Louis reminds him as he opens the passenger's car door for him and Harry slips inside. He jogs around to the drivers side and gets inside as well. He cranks up the heater as soon as he turns the ignition on. 

"Why are your hands so cold, baby?" Louis asks, turning back and grabbing the Chinese take away from the backseat.  

"Was outside for too long. Don't usually stay out that long, but she kept me there." He shrugs. 

"I guess I should go and thank her for keeping you here then, because I wouldn't have found you if she hadn't," Louis chuckles. He reaches over and grabs both of Harry's hands in his, bringing them up to his face. He cups them the best he can, considering Harry's hands are bigger than his, and puffs warm breath onto them. 

Harry giggles, trying to pull them back. "It's okay, you don't have to do that. They'll warm up soon with the heater," 

But Louis keeps them close to his face and starts kissing each knuckle of the precious boy he knows he doesn't deserve's hands. 

After he's done, he lets them go gently and starts pulling out the food boxes out of the plastic bags. 

"I hope you like Chinese," Louis smiles softly, handing the two white boxes holding noodles and chicken to Harry. 

"Yeah, that's cool, thank you for coming." Harry says softly, grinning up at Louis. 

"Don't thank me," Louis says, poking a piece of chicken with his fork and puts it in his mouth. 

Harry does the same, but puts his index finger up as his face lights up. Louis watches him as he grabs the plastic bag and fishes out two fortune cookies. 

"Forgot about those," Louis says after he swallows, taking one of the cookies from Harry. He rips it open and takes it out, then cracks it open. He sets down the cookie and holds the paper. 

"What does it say?" Harry asks eagerly. 

"In the eyes of lovers, everything is beautiful." Louis reads of his paper, shrugging, and Harry hums. "Yours?"

"You will marry a professional athlete- if competitive eating can be considered a sport." Harry reads. They stare at each other for a couple seconds and then they burst out laughing at the same time. Louis crumbles up his strip of paper and throws it at Harry, giggling. 

After they calm down their laughter, they eat in mostly comfortable silence. Although, they make a small conversation that doesn't seem like much, but they actually learn significant things about each other. 

Harry knew that Louis was a teacher, but he had never been told of what. Louis tells him all about his job and how much he loves it, and Harry listens excitedly. 

Louis learns that Harry's taking culinary arts and he's supposedly a great cook ("not to brag"), but Louis says he's got to prove it. 

After they're done with their food, they put the empty boxes into the plastic bag and Louis reaches back again for the brown paper bag with the scones. 

He takes one out and Harry starts to shift excitedly in his seat and Louis grins so wide at his reaction that his cheeks will surely hurt later. 

It's not until they're both eating their scones and looking in each other's eyes that Louis realizes that he's never been this genuinely happy and content with his life before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me on tumblr if you'd like, @ joaizzle :)  
> feedback and comments are greatly appreciated, thank youuuu


	10. I have died every day waiting for you

After they're finished with the scones, Louis shoves all the empty containers into the plastic bag and tosses it onto the back seat. He'll worry about it later.

He puts the keys into the ignition and turns them, causing the it to turn on.

"Buckle up, curly." He says, pulling his own seat belt down and making it click.

"Where are we going?" Harry asks, pulling down his seat belt as well.

"Wherever you wanna go. Where do you want to go?" Louis asks, smiling softly as he holds on to the steering wheel.

Harry pauses, thinking about it, and then his face lights up with an idea. It causes Louis' heart to involuntarily swell with adoration and his smile widens.

"Can we go to like, a skateboarding park? Or something?"

"You want to go skateboarding?" Louis grins and Harry nods eagerly.

"But I don't have a skateboard, can we stop to get one?" He asks shyly.

"Of course, love," Louis says, reversing to get out of parking lot. "I don't have one anymore either."

"Anymore?"

"Yup. Used to do it all the time. I'll have you know I'm amazing at it," Louis says proudly and Harry laughs.

"Oh, really now? That's good, because you're gonna have to teach me," Harry grins, Louis glancing from the road in front of them to him.

"I'd love to," he says quietly, reaching over and grabbing Harry's hand to intertwine their fingers. He happily holds Louis' hand back, relaxing into his seat and sighing happily.

About an hour later, they have their new skateboards ready.

Harry got a black one with tiny little gold anchors all over it, while Louis got one with black and gold stripes. Matching.

He parks in front of the place and gets out of the car, grabbing his skateboard from Harry's lap. He was planning on going to the other side and opening the car door for him, but he beats him to it.

"Have you been here before?" Harry asks as they start walking up.

"Yeah, I've been here a couple times with Zayn. He's really good too," Louis says.

"Zayn?" Harry asks, bewildered. "You guys talk, are you close?

"Hmmm. Yeah, we talk quite a bit. We hang out sometimes. Mostly when we're lonely because you and Liam are neglecting us," he jokes. "Both of us would only use his skateboard though,"

Harry gasps quietly and Louis looks at him. "Does Zayn know about you and I?"

"Oh..no. He knows Evan, I can't tell him," Louis says. Guilt sinks to the bottom of his stomach as soon as he says that.

"Oh," Harry says, his shoulders seem to slump a little.

They walk to the middle of the park in silence, skateboards tucked under their arms.

There's not a lot of people there, considering everyone's probably still at work or school.

Louis loves this place. Zayn loves it more, though, because there's colorful graffiti on the walls around and in the dips.

"So, how do you do this?" Harry asks, placing his skateboard down on the concrete and putting a foot on it.

Louis starts to explain to him, even demonstrating, holding his hips as he tries new things, and he's getting how to do the basics by the time the sun's going down.

Louis doesn't want him to go on ramps yet, though. He's scared he'll get hurt. He says no automatically every time Harry asks to try one  

"Time to go?" Louis says eventually, coming to a stop and picking up his skateboard.

"Yeah," Harry says breathlessly, stopping too. "That was so much fun, thank you."

Louis smiles at him. "Let's go,"

"Wait," Harry says, making Louis  stop in his tracks. "can I go look at something before we go? You can wait in the car."

"Uh... Sure," Louis says, confused, but going along. "I'll wait for you over there,"

Harry nods and waits until he's walking away, back to the car.

He's about to open the car door, but he hears a shout.

"Ugh!" When he realizes it's Harry's voice shouting in pain, Louis starts to panic.

"Harry?" He shouts back, dropping his skateboard and running back to where they were, his heart beating fast. "Where are you?"

He looks around, hearing a groan coming from behind a ramp. He walks around and Harry's laying on his side on the floor, gripping his knee with both hands and his skateboard upside down near him.

"What the hell?" Louis says, going to his side immediately and kneeling down.

"I shouldn't have done that," Harry says. "I went on a ramp."

"I told you not to go on a ramp, baby. We would try that later," Louis says softly, running a hand through his hair.

"I know, but I really wanted to. You looked so cool doing it."

Louis huffs a laugh, starting to help Harry up. "What hurt? Your knee?"

"Yeah, I hit it kind of hard. It was the one to take the impact," he chuckles nervously. "I think it was just a really bad scrape, though."

Louis helps him stand up and limp to the edge of the ramp, easing him into sitting down on it.

He then turns around in front of Harry, bending his knees slightly. "Hop on,"

"What?"

"I'm gonna carry you to the car. Get on my back," Louis explains.

"Louis I'm taller than you, pro-"

"Nonsense. Don't care. Get on me," he interrupts.

Harry cautiously stands up and wraps his arms around Louis' neck, pressing his chest against his back. He gives a little hop and Louis catches him by the back of his thighs, hoisting him up. He starts walking once Harry wraps his legs safely around Louis.

"My skateboard," Harry reminds him when they're halfway over to the car.

"I'll come back for it after I get you to the seat," Louis says.

It's mostly dark now, there's no more people out and he wants to get Harry home. He opens the car door and carefully puts Harry down.

"You're acting like I just broke my leg," Harry huffs, but he's smiling a little. Louis doesn't say anything, just bends down to kiss his temple and closes his car door.

He goes back for Harry's skateboard, picks his up, and puts them in the trunk.

He jogs back to the driver's side and gets in. "Where to?" he asks, pulling out of the parking lot.

"My flat?" Harry suggests.

Louis just nods and grabs his hand while he drives again.

When they get there, he carries Harry up again even though they both know it's not necessary. He's a fit of giggles and Louis really can't stop smiling. He sets him down on the bed and rushes him to take his jeans off to inspect his knee. When he does, he kneels down in front of his open legs and audibly gulps at the fact that Harry's crotch is almost bare and in front of his face. He looks away from it.

"Doesn't look too bad, just looks like a bruise is forming. Do you want me to put something on it? Does it hurt?" Louis asks softly.

Harry just shakes his head and falls back onto the bed. "'S fine."

Louis stands up and takes off his jeans and shirt, since it's button up, as well. He lays down at the top of the bed on the pillows and opens his arms. "Come here, Harry."

Harry crawls up, but doesn't go into his arms.

"Turn around," he orders.

"Why?"

"Because. You're smaller, so I hold you," he says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Louis just shrugs and turns around.

Harry lays down behind him and puts his arms around the smaller man tightly. After a minute or so, he begins squirming as if he's uncomfortable. Louis just smiles and patiently waits for Harry to turn around onto his other side, which he does soon enough. He turns around too, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist from behind.

"I told you," Louis whispers in his ear.

"Shut up," Harry replies.

After a couple minutes, Louis starts to think about how he should go home soon when he realizes that Harry's bucking his bum backwards into Louis' crotch. And, well, he's getting hard.

"Harry?" He whispers, but Harry only responds with a whimper. He leans over a little to see if maybe he had fallen asleep, but his eyes are actually wide open.

In the moment, Louis reaches over and puts his hand on Harry's crotch, starting to palm him. He can feel the wetness of Harry's cock leaking through his boxers at a certain spot already.

"Louis- Please." Harry whines, and that's all it takes to cloud Louis' mind and concentrate on getting Harry off.

"Okay, baby." He whispers into Harry's ear, pressing their bodies closer together. He slowly gets his hand under the waistband of Harry's boxers and grabs his cock.

His breath hitches, causing Louis to press his crotch harder against his bum. He tugs on Harry's cock a couple times, making him whimper, and then rubs his thumb on the slit.

"Louis." he moans, bucking his hips into his hand.

"I've got you," he whispers. He tightens his arm around Harry's abdomen to keep him from moving, and starts moving his hand faster, gripping his cock slightly tighter.

Harry starts panting, trying to hold back moans, and Louis starts kissing his neck. He sucks on a certain spot, even nibbles a little, with the mentality of leaving a mark. "You like that?"

"Y-yeah," he whimpers. "I'm so close already."

That only motivates Louis to go faster, so soon enough, Harry comes all over Louis' hand with his name falling of his lips inbetween moans. Harry falls limp against the mattress, sighing happily.

"I'll be right back, love." Louis says quietly, trying to hold back from the temptation of just wiping his hand on the sheets to continue cuddling Harry. He's successful.

He gets up and goes to the bathroom to clean his hand up and it's when he looks in the mirror that he realizes what he just did. He just _physically_ cheated.

 _No no no_.

He doesn't love Evan anymore, he loves Harry, but that doesn't justify him. Evan's a nice guy, really nice, and he doesn't deserve this. He's never done anything to Louis, never hurt him. Matter of fact, he's helped him so much. He shouldn't have done this. Not yet, at least.

He quickly washes his hands and goes back into the room with Harry. He has his head buried into a pillow, his chest moving up and down at a slow pace. It calms down the guilt swirling in Louis' stomach.

He crawls up the bed and sits up against the headboard, putting his hand into Harry's hair. "You okay?" Louis asks, his voice hoarse from not talking for the past half hour.

Harry nods his head and rolls over into his back, putting his head on Louis' lap. He peers up at Louis, sleepy eyes blinking slowly.

"Go to sleep, baby." Louis says, running his fingers through Harry's hair. He feels so so bad looking at his beautiful boy's face. He didn't exactly regret what they did, but he feels like they shouldn't have done anything yet. At least he made him feel good. Or at least he hopes he did.

"Mmmm." Harry moans in protest and cuddles in closer to Louis. "Want me to get you off too?" He asks, beginning to sit up on one elbow, but Louis pushes him back down gently by putting a hand on his shoulder.

"No, it's fine, baby." he lies. He's never been this hard before, he's positive he's leaking. "Go to sleep, yeah? Tomorrow's a day to get up early," he says softly, continuing the movement of his hands in the younger boy's hair.

He just nods, starting to blink slower and eventually his eyes give up and close.

When he starts snoring softly, Louis cautiously gets out from under him and places his head gently on the pillow.

When he's off the bed, he bends down and presses a kiss on his forehead. Afterwards, he puts his jeans and shirt back on in a rush.

As he's walking out, he decides that he has to see his face again before he leaves. He walks over to the side of the bed pulls the duvet up to Harry's chin. He takes a second to stroke his cheek and run his thumb over his bottom lip lovingly. His lips are slightly parted, his long eyelashes casting tiny shadows over his cheeks. Louis can't stop staring, he's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen his entire life.

He feels so lucky to have found him.

* * *

 

 

Louis's gone when Harry wakes up. Before he opens his eyes, he feels the obvious lack of warmth, but he pats around the bed in hopeless search anyways. He opens his eyes and sighs sadly at the empty space. He knew it was gonna be like this.

He understands, though. He understands that Louis has to go back home to someone, only for now- Harry hopes. It's okay, though. It has to be. He's grateful to have Louis. He shouldn't have him, he's taken, he's like a forbidden fruit. But he still does.

They see each other every day in the weekdays. At least twice a day, when they meet up in their coffee shop and when Louis goes to Harry's uni to take him something to eat. He doesn't get to stay and eat with him though, since he has a short lunch and the drive back to his work is long. They also text every minute of the day, so that kind of makes up that they can't see each other every weekend. Harry feels lucky. Louis makes him happy.

Last night was the first intimate thing they had ever done, they had never even kissed. Not that they have yet. But he's in such a good mood because of the day before anyways.

He hops out of bed since his alarm is only 5 minutes from ringing and it's Friday, meaning he has some classes today.

He puts on the most comfortable clothes he can find, which are a pair joggers and a black t-shirt.

About half an hour later, he's in line waiting to order the daily 2 cups of tea and 2 cinnamon buns. After he does, he goes to sit down, but their usual table is taken. He frowns and awkwardly looks around, holding the bags with the buns under his arm and the teas in his hands. He sighs in relief when a couple gets up from a table and he rushes over to sit there. He hopes Harry won't have trouble finding him.

He puts his bag on lap and takes out his textbook, putting it on the table afterwards. He opens it up to what he's currently learning, and takes a sip of his tea. Minutes later, he sees a figure sit in front of him and he smiles to himself, not looking up just yet.

"Hey," Louis says. "Thought you ditched me today."

"Hiiii," Harry says, looking up and leaning over to kiss Louis. He feels a strong pang of hurt in his chest when he turns his head and his lips land on his cheek instead. He sits back down with his cheeks red from humiliation and keeps his head down.

"Haz," Louis says. "Haz, look at me."

He turns his head up and he sees Louis' breath hitch when he looks him in the eyes. He grabs his hands over the table and holds them gently, running his thumb over his knuckles.

"Listen," Louis sighs. "Last night shouldn't have happened." Harry's heart stops. "I mean, I'm not saying I regret it. God, no. I don't. I want even more, always do. Always will. But it shouldn't have happened yet, baby. I want us to be right, I want to give my all to you. I want to leave him, I want to be with you only. But I don't know how, I don't want to hurt anyone. I really don't,"

 _you're hurting me_ Harry wants to say, but he doesn't. Instead he nods.

"What I'm trying to say is, thank you for being so patient with me. It'll be me you and I soon, okay? I promise." He leans over the table and kisses Harry's temple.

Harry just nods for the second time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr if you'd like @ joaizzle:)


	11. darling, don't be afraid

"So you're gonna show me your  _amazing_  culinary skills now?" Louis asks teasingly, leaning against the the kitchen counter and picks a piece of celery that Harry just chopped, popping it into his mouth. He makes a face at the taste and tosses the rest of it back onto the counter, causing Harry to giggle. 

"Yeah, 'm gonna prove to you, since you doubt me," he replies, concentrating on the knife in his hand cutting vegetables, but there's still a grin on his face at Louis' teasing. 

"Mmm, I don't doubt you," Louis says, pushing himself off the counter and coming behind Harry, putting his arms around his waist from behind and his chin on his shoulder. 

"Better move or I'll cut your finger."

"You would never," Louis says, tilting his head and placing a chaste kiss on the younger boy's neck where he had left a mark before. "What're you making?"

"It's a surprise," Harry says, putting the knife down and opening the cupboard to take out ingredients or something, Louis guesses. He decides to take that as his cue to move so he won't be in Harry's way. He goes back to the counter he was leaning on before, but hops onto it this time. He starts to swing his legs and he can see Harry watching him from the corner of his eye, biting back a smile. 

"What's so funny, curly?" 

"You're just... So small," Harry says, almost cooing

Louis crosses his arms, pouting. "Am not."

"Yes you are, but it's one of the reasons you're so endearing to me."

"Okay. I'm small then. It's fine," Louis agrees. A little sarcastic. (Maybe.)

"I'm glad you recognize it," Harry says, looking up, a smile in his voice. He looks beautiful, Louis thinks. His eyes are so bright and his lips are so pink and his cheeks have a natural rosy glow and the way his curls frame his face makes him even more gorgeous, somehow. He's just wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, but Louis thinks this is the best way he's ever seen him nonetheless. 

Louis' wearing sweatpants too, a jumper from Harry's closet that he won't admit is kind of big on him, because he is in fact small. He loves wearing Harry's clothes. And Harry seems to love it too, more than always willing to find Louis something to wear from his own clothes, so it's a win-win situation. 

Louis' smiling at Harry lovingly, then he feels an itch under his collar bone. He pulls down the hem of the jumper he's wearing absentmindedly and it uncovers his collarbone. Harry's eyes go down to his hand and his smile falters a bit, a confused frown forming on his face. 

"Wh-what's that?" He asked, voice small, struggling to keep the corner of his lips upwards. 

Louis cocks his head confusingly and then looks down to where Harry's eyes are looking. He feels the blood from the whole upper half of his body drain when he sees what Harry's looking at, suddenly feeling cold and lightheaded. He quickly removes his hand from his chest. 

"Nothing?" Louis smiles, but Harry isn't smiling anymore. He's trying to appear calm but his heart is going crazy in panic, his eyes flickering to the furrow of Harry's eyebrows. 

"Is that a lovebite?" Harry asks, voice small, pain in the edges. Fuck. "You've been fucking him, really?" 

"What? No." Louis chuckles, trying to smile wider. 

"Louis, don't fucking lie to me." Harry says, his voice suddenly angry. He puts down the wooden spoon he was stirring something in a pan with and turns off the stove. 

"Harry-" Louis starts, but it's not tolerated. He doesn't know what he's going to say anyway. 

"Why, Louis?" Harry says, crossing his arms. There's lines on corners of his face from the pain in his expression and all Louis wants to do it make them go away, smooth them out with his lips. 

"It's not-"

"Louis," the younger boy says sharply. 

"He's my boyfriend Harry," Louis tries. Harry just huffs, looking away. Ouch. He's having none of this anymore. "What did you want me to do? I swear he was starting to suspect."

"You know what I don't get?" Harry says and takes a step forward, Louis considers getting off the counter, but he doesn't think his legs are trustworthy right now. "I don't get why you can't just leave him, Louis. You're acting like you and him are engaged or married or some shit. As if you two have 4 children and own a dog. As if you're happy with him. I am  _sick_ of feeling as if I'm not good enough," he puts his hand up when Louis tries to protest. "as if I'm-im. I don't fucking know! Im tired, I'm so tired." He tugs on his hair and then puts his face in his hands, digging the heels of them into his eyes tiredly, frustrated. After a few moments, "I want you to leave," 

Louis' mouth was hanging open and he was in shock at Harry's outburst, but this makes him snap back to reality faster than anything probably ever could. "What? No. Harry. Please. I'm sorry, you're more than enough. It's just hard right now, but I promise it'll just be you and I soon. I promise," 

"Oh, really?" Harry laughs humorlessly, looking up again. Louis winces. "Please explain to me how it's hard. Enlighten me," 

"I don't want to hurt him, Harry! He's helped me so much, if it wasn't for him I would've struggled so much more to come live here," Louis says. He didn't say much, but the panic in his chest makes him go breathless, causing him to pant slightly when he finishes talking. 

"But you're hurting me." Harry says, voice so so small. Not angry anymore, just sad. His eyes are rimmed with red, tears threatening to spill out.  _No_. Louis thinks. No, he can't be the cause of his beautiful boy's tears. 

Louis hops off the counter, trying to take a cautious step towards Harry but Harry just steps back. He tries not to be hurt about it, he has no right to be hurt right now. "Baby," he tries, putting his arms out to hug him, but Harry shakes his head quickly. He takes another step back. 

"Don't 'baby' me, Louis. You can't fucking have both of us. This isn't right. I would say it's either me or him, but I think you've made your choice," he says and steps towards louis and he feels a sense of relief but it's all gone when Harry just walks around him. He walks towards the front door and he can feel  tears well up in his own eyes. 

He follows Harry with his eyes as he puts his hand on the doorknob and turns it, yanking the door open. For a second Louis thinks he's gonna leave, but why would he? It's his own flat. Instead, he just stands by. He's holding the door open for Louis to leave. Louis sniffles, starting to walk over. He sees tears already escaped Harry's eyes, streaks of shining transparency staining his cheeks. He can almost hear his own heart cracking in a heartbreak from seeing his beautiful boy cry. 

He just walks out, not because he doesn't love him, but because he has definitely made his choice. Not the one Harry thinks, though. And now he has to fix everything. The door slams shut behind him and he cowers a little, but continues to walk away and down the corridor to the lift and to his car. 

With shaking hands, he puts the key into the ignition and turns if. He pulls out of the parking lot after clicking his seatbelt and he takes a deep breath to calm the panic still pooled in his chest. He's going to fix this, he is. 

On the way to his and Evan's flat, he drives the slowest he possibly can to think up what he's going to say. He's just going to have to say the truth. 

By the time he's standing in front of the front door to his flat, he has a whole speech planned out, the nicest and best way he can say everything. It's all well thought out, he's going to make sure to use words that don't have a negative connotation. He doesn't want to hurt anybody, but he would rather hurt anyone over Harry, even though he knows that's the first thing he did. He pulls up the hem of Harry's jumper that he's wearing to his nose, inhaling his boy's smell with a deep breath. It's soothing in a way. 

He sighs, putting in the key and walking into the place. This has to happen sooner or later and he finally realized that later is not an option anymore, maybe it never was. 

"He closes the door behind him, causing Evan-who was sitting on the sofa- to turn to look at him. His face bursts into a grin and he stands up. Louis swallows his guilt, he has to do what's right now. 

"Evan," Louis sides sadly. He's so sorry. 

"Louis," Evan says happily, walking over to where he's at. He grabs Louis' hands and leans in, kissing him softly. He doesn't kiss back. Evan's smile falters, but seems to dismiss it. "I'm so glad you're home. I need to ask you something," he whispers. 

"Yeah?" Louis says sadly. "What is it?" 

Evan then gets down on his knees and Louis thinks that he's about to suck his dick, so his eyes widen, but instead Evan props one leg up. He's on one knee and one foot, his right leg at a (somewhat) 90 degree angle. 

Louis watches him completely bewildered and Evan lets go of one of his hands to reach into his back pocket and- _oh no_. 

He takes out a small black box and- this can't be fucking happening to Louis. The universe fucking hates his guts. 

Evan lets go of his other hand and opens the box, revealing a simple band of white gold wedged into a tiny cushion. 

"Will you marry me?" 

And that's when breathing becomes too difficult. Louis steps back, not being able to stand looking into the hopeful eyes of the man kneeling in front of him with a ring in his hand. 

His breathing starts becoming more labored, he starts panting. He can't control it. There's so many thoughts and fears swirling in his head, he's stuck. He feels as if he's been put into a tiny box with no way out, no holes punched to allow him to breathe. 

"Louis?" Evan asks, concern lacing his voice. He sets the tiny opened box on the floor and stands up, trying to bring him into his arms. "Louis, are you okay?" He says more urgently. 

His breath hitches, and he closes his eyes. He thinks about the only thing that could possibly calm him right now, Harry. He thinks about how relaxed and young his face looks while he's asleep, about how his profile looks when they're standing outside and the sunset is on his face. 

His breathing starts slowing down, and it's almost normal after a minute or two. He slowly opens his eyes, his chin is on Evan's shoulder. 

"What happened there, are you okay babe?" 

It's quiet for a few seconds, and- 

"I'm cheating on you." Louis sobs, and Evan's arms around him significantly tense up. The speech he had ready is gone from his mind now, almost as if he never really thought it up to begin with. 

"What?" Evan says, voice choking on a sob too. He pulls back, looking at Louis' face. "You're joking right?" He tries laughing. "You're joking." He shakes his head quickly. 

"I'm cheating on you, emotionally, I'm in love with someone else," Louis says, trying to calm down his crying. 

"No, wh-what? Why?" Evan says, his hands dropping to his sides. 

"I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you." Louis whispers. "I just can't do this anymore," 

Evan closes his eyes, looking down, nodding. "But we're soulmates- you started aging when we met." He says, looking up with hope. 

"No," Louis says, his voice hoarse. "I met the other person a little later after you. It's him, not you. I'm so sorry," he can't look at him in the eye. 

"Who is it?" Evan asks, bottom lip quivering. 

"You don't need to know that," Louis shakes his head, trying to prevent him from any more pain. 

"Who is it?" He asks again, though. 

"Harry," Louis sighs and Evan just nods. He just turns and bends down, picking up the tiny black box from the floor. He turns it around a couple times in his hands and then looks up at Louis, putting his hand holding the box out. 

He frowns, not knowing what Evan means. 

"Give it to him," he smiles sadly. "When you're ready," 

"Evan," Louis breathes, understanding now. "No, that's not fair."

"Please," he says, grabbing Louis' hand and putting the box in it. He closes his hand around the box and Evan engulfs his hand with both of his, looking Louis in the eyes. "I just want you happy. 

He decides to just nod, maybe he'll find a way to leave it back later. He shoves into the pocket of his sweatpants and says, "thank you. You deserve someone so much better,"

Evan just smiles and looks down. "Nah," he says. "You were it for me," 

Louis doesn't know what to say, so he just reaches over and pulls Evan into his chest, hugging him. Evan cries into his shoulder, noticing that his head aches from his own crying. 

After a few minutes, Evan separates and just turns around, walking down the hallway without saying anything. After Louis hears a door shut, he goes into the hallway too and notices that Evan must have gone into the guest room because their room is empty. He takes this as a cue to grab his suitcase from the closet and start packing some of his things. 

He needs to get his shit together. 

* * *

 

Harry hears knocking at his door and shouts of, "Harry, open the door, please!" But he ignores them. 

He's sitting down on his kitchen floor, running his thumb along the rim of an alcohol bottle that he found in the back of his fridge. 

He throws his head back and drinks as he hears a, "baby, please." before a sob. He puts the now empty bottle on the floor and kicks it gently so it rolls over to the stove, landing with a  _clang!_ He watches it, listening as the knocking at his door becomes more urgent and persistent. 

He gets up slowly and walks to his bedroom. He hears another voice approaching and complaining about the noise to Louis. Their arguing voices become muffled the further he walks from the front door and they're almost mute when he closes the door to his bedroom and throws himself onto his bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are lovely


	12. i have loved you for a thousand years

"Please!" Louis begs at last, almost in a whisper because he suddenly feels tired, defeated. "I love you," His cheeks are stained with strips of tears, but he wipes them away because he knows he doesn't get to be sad, not when he hurt Harry. When he's the one that fucked up. 

"Sir, can you please stop the noise? Some people have work tomorrow," He hears an angry male voice to his left, growing closer by each word. He lowers the fist he had raised to knock again, turning to look at the angry guy approaching him. It's a middle aged guy, hair almost fully white, and glasses perched almost at the tip of his nose. Louis has the urge to push them up all the way to his forehead. He even reaches to his own face and pushes up his own nonexistent glasses. The guy rolls his eyes and pushes his own up with his middle finger.

Louis wipes off the fresh wet strips on his cheeks urgently with the sleeves of his sweater and swallows. "This is really important to me, man. I've got to-"

"Whoever's behind that door _obviously_ doesn't want to see you, mate. How about you leave them alone? Try another day?" The guy says sharply and Louis winces, but he knows it's true. It just hurts to actually hear it. The literal love of his life doesn't even want to see him.

He hears a clank and shuffling feet behind the door and he almost get whiplash from how fast he turns his head to the door. Hope bubbles in his chest and he gradually starts panting from anticipation until he realizes that the sound is diminishing, as if it's getting further away from the door. He turns away once again, closing his eyes tightly to prevent the next round of tears from escaping his eyes.

"I'm sorry, man." He hears the guy say. "But don't make me call the security or some shit." Louis hears him, but pretends to ignore him until he can hear him walking away. He opens his eyes again once he's sure the guy is gone, thick tears rolling down his cheeks as soon as they can. He doesn't try to stop them, he knows they're inevitable at this point. He bends down and picks up his jacket that he tossed on the floor because of how much in a hurry he was before and turns to the door one more time. He stares at it for a few seconds longer, letting the last of his hope be absorbed by the silence inside Harry's flat. 

He sighs sadly and looks down, sliding his arms through the jacket's sleeves and leaves. 

When he's in his car, he really doesn't know where to go. He knows Evan will gladly let him stay at (technically still) their flat, but it doesn't feel right. He turns on his phone's screen and goes into his contacts app, scrolling through to see who he could call. When he gets to the Z's, he automatically presses **call** on Zayn's contact with no hesitation whatsoever.

He answers on the third ring. "Hello?" Zayn's voice says through the phone, voice sounded groggy, as if he had been asleep. Louis automatically feels guilty. More and more guilty keeps getting piled onto his back.

"Did I wake you up?" Louis asks, but speaks again without really giving Zayn a chance to answer his question. "I just-something happened and I don't really have anywhere to stay?"

"What?" Zayn's voice sounds alert suddenly, wide awake. "Did something happen to you? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. I'll tell you about it soon. If you don't want me to stay at you and Liam's I can just get a hot-"

"Nonsense, bro. Come over here," Zayn says softly, a sound of something shifting in the background until a quiet and distant-sounding "who is it?" is heard.

He can hear the stuffed sound as Zayn puts his hand on the mic of his phone to respond to Liam. He almost envies them, what they have. What he could have right now if he wasn't so stupid.

"We'll be waiting for you," Zayn says after a few seconds and Louis nods to himself, grateful to have such great friends. Friends he met because of Harry. Harry seems to be the root of everything good and his happiness in his life these days. "Do you need us to go pick you up?"

"No, no. That's okay," he says. "I'll see you soon." They exchange goodbyes and Louis tosses his phone to the passenger seat- turning on the car and driving away afterwards.

 When Zayn opens the front door and Louis steps inside his and Liam's flat, he's engulfed by a group hug. Some why, that automatically triggers his sobs back and he cries into one of the other boy's neck- he's not sure who's. His back trembles with the sobs, a hand rubbing comfortingly up and down his back. 

"Oh my god," what he recognizes as Liam's voice whispers near his ear, so he's the one who must be putting up with the tears into his neck. "Lou, what happened?" Liam asks softly, the rubbing on his back slowing down. "I've never seen you cry before." Louis pulls back, Liam was the one who was holding him and Zayn was the one who was rubbing his back. He loves them so fucking much.

"H-Harry," Louis sobs out after staring at them, guilt from what he did to their best friend consuming him.

"Harry? Harry what, love?" Zayn encourages softly.

"I fucked up," Louis says after he's able to control his crying, sniffing. Liam and Zayn look really confused, and that's when it hits him. They don't know anything, they don't know about him and Harry. He's got to tell them now. So he beckons them weakly to sit down with him on the couch, a much more comfortable setting.

After they're all sat down and relaxed, Louis starts to explain everything. About how him and Harry have been sneaking around for a while, about what happened earlier. About how he fucked up the most important thing to him in his life so so badly. About how much he loves Harry. About how they're actual soulmates. About how lucky he feels to have found him.

The thing is, they don't look that surprised at all. After Louis finishes talking, they stay quiet and Louis raises his eyebrows expectantly. 

"I fucking knew you two had something going on. That boy would always bring you into conversations, mention you," Zayn shakes his head fondly, and Louis' breath hitches at what he's hearing. "And I don't think he even noticed he was doing it. Like he would do it subconsciously, as an instinct."

Louis looks down at his lap, smiling sadly- but not knowing what to say.

"Yeah, he could hold full conversations with us with just somehow finding a way to make the conversation topic revolve around you." Liam adds, chuckling. "He always would."

Louis' never felt sadder.

He gulps. "So what should I do?" he says, voice so hoarse it's almost inaudible. He really doesn't know what to say to the new piece of information he just obtained. "I'm so bloody stu-"

"No," Zayn says sharply and Louis looks up, surprised. "You're not stupid, don't ever say that- or think it. You're a fucking human, Louis. You were scared, and that's okay. Unfortunately we can't reverse time, so we have to work with what we have now. All we can do is move forward and just- fix it. And we will, alright, Lou? It'll be okay, I promise."

"We?" is the only thing Louis can say. His friends are amazing even though he's been a shitty friend lately, not talking or hanging out with them nearly enough recently. 

"Yes, _we_. You're upset and that makes us upset too, we're going to help you. Harry is fucking good at holding grudges," Zayn responds. 

"You should do what I did to charm Zayn," Liam jokes, trying to lighten up the mood a bit.  "Got him wrapped around my finger so quick," he grins and looks at Zayn, who is pouting now. But the joke caught Louis' attention.

"What did you do?" He asks.

"Oh, I was kidding, but." Liam starts. "For about two weeks, I would leave a note with a quote or lyric where I knew he'd find it every day-until i got the courage to ask him out."

Louis ponders it for a bit. "Do you think that'd work with Harry?"

Liam laughs. "Definitely. That boy's a sucker for romantic stuff. Go for it, Lou. We'll be here, but we'll be here for Harry as well because we know how destroyed he most likely is as well," Louis winces at that. The small box with the ring inside feels like is burning a hole through his jacket's pocket. He takes it off.

"Okay," Louis nods encouragingly to himself. "I can do this."

The next day before work, he stops at the usual coffee shop. He searches inside for Harry. He wasn't exactly expecting him to be waiting for Louis as if nothing had happened, but reality hits so hard. He has to run back into his car before anyone sees him crying. He never tries again.

He starts Liam's plan the next day.

* * *

**_Day 1_ **

Before Louis tries to pick what he's going to write to Harry, he decides that he might want to give a shot at trying to just talk it through this with him. But the thing is, Liam and Zayn weren't wrong when they said he knows how to hold grudges. 

He's knocking on his flat's door and he hears him come to the door, hears his heavy footsteps until they reach the door and he can almost feel Harry's eye on him when he's looking through the peephole. Of course he can't know for sure if he actually looked, but he's pretty sure he did. After that, he hears the heavy footsteps retreat. His heart significantly sinks, but he's not ready to give up.

So he goes to the store and buys paper. He buys colored paper and 14 white envelops with gold illuminated manuscript designs on the edges. He hopes it won't take more than 14 days.

He's at Liam and Zayn's kitchen table now, a small red paper in front of him as he holds a fine tip pen. He's decided to go by the order of  the colors of the rainbow. 

He taps an end of the pen against his temple, thinking of what he should write, until an idea comes to mind.

So he uncaps the pen and with his best cursive handwriting, he writes:

_I'm putting your name in a circle, not a heart, because hearts break and circles go on forever._

Also, he draws a decent-looking circle under the writing, Harry's name in the circle-of course. He tucks it in gently into the envelope, licking the sticky strip on the edges and then sealing it closed. He writes a big H on the back of the envelope and prays to God that Harry will know it's from him. He knows that he definitely will, though. 

Nervously, he makes his way to Harry's flat again. This time, he doesn't knock or try anything. He simple slips the envelope into Harry's mailbox and leaves. He really hopes he won't make Harry feel as if he's pushing him in a bad way, or suffocating him. He figures that Harry will probably call him and tell him to leave him alone once and for all. He hopes that call never comes, though.

**_Day 2_ **

Louis feels inpired today, so he writes down the best thing he's probably ever thought of in his entire life, considering he's really not that good of an author. Oh, the things you do for love.

_If I don't get to have you anymore, I hope I do in another life where you're the sun and I'm the moon, where I need you to be bright and alive as much as I do in this life._

He draws a moon and a sun under it, the side of the moon that's not facing the sun shaded. He's kind of amazed at himself, he hopes Harry likes it and that it amazes him too. He hopes he knows it's coming from the bottom of Louis' heart. The paper is orange today.

**_Day 3_ **

Today, Liam and Zayn mention Harry. They say that Harry told them about the letters and that he does know they're from Louis. Apparently, he's loved them both so far. Apparently it makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside. That's all that they were able to tell Louis and he takes what he can get. He has a spark of hope now. The paper is Yellow today.

_Have you ever felt as if you could reach any extravagant height? That's how I feel when I'm with you._

He draws a stickfigure giant under it. He hopes Harry doesn't cringe at the cheesiness in these, he hopes that he smiles-even if it's teeny tiny. He hopes he's good, happy. Healthy. He hopes he's eating enough and drinking enough water.

**_Day 4_ **

Today Louis' trying to think of what to write when he's sitting at his desk in his classroom. The class is taking a quiz, so he has time to do it because he doesn't really have anything else to do. He's humming to himself, looking down at the Green paper. Then he presses the tip of the pen to it.

_I feel so much love for you, I think I might need an extra heart._

He draws two hears into it, absentmindedly shading some parts of them in. When the class stands up to leave, he sees a couple grab hands and walk out together. It gives him a spark of determination.

**_Day 5_ **

Louis is still staying with Zayn and Liam, after asking about a million times if it's really okay. Of course it's okay to them.

They haven't told him anything about Harry, but he doesn't ask. It's been only a couple days since they told him anything, but Louis' feeling a bit discouraged.

The paper is Blue today.

_Ever since I met you, my reality has been better than my dreams, and that's why I'm so sleep deprived._

He draws 3 Z's under the writing, each one getting larger as they go upwards.

**_Day 6_ **

Today's Sunday, and Louis' feeling discouraged. He feels like maybe he should give up and just leave him alone, but he knows that what they have is too special. They're literal soulmates. I mean, come on.

He's laying down on Liam and Zayn's guestroom bed, the paper and pen on his chest as he stares blankly at the ceiling. He thinks he's gone numb. He grabs his phone from beside him on the bed and turns on the screen, looking at his lockscreen background, a picture of Harry with his pink and white apron on. Louis took this the day he fucked up, the first time Harry was going to cook for him. His eyes well up with tears. Ah, not that numb after all.  

He lets out a shuddering sob loudly and he's glad he's the only one home today. With a slightly blurry eyesight from the tears in his eyes, he opens a new message to Harry and just sends him, "Harry", the 'please' stuck on his cowardly thumbs. He tosses it back to beside him on the bed, already starting to think that maybe he shouldn't have done that.

Except the phone fucking vibrates a minute later. His eyes widen. He tries to calm his heart down, trying not to get his hopes too high because it could be anyone. Except when he picks it up, it's not just anyone. It's Harry. His harry. The message just reads, "Hi," but it sparks so much hope in Louis. He doesn't reply, not wanting to push it too much.

The only thing he can think of writing now is

_I'm so sorry_

The paper is Indigo today, and he goes to drop it off immediately. He lingers there an extra minute, staring at Harry's door happily and then leaves. He hopes Harry was looking through the peephole.

**_Day 7_ **

Today's the last color of the rainbow, Violet. It doesn't mean anything really, it being the last color. It doesn't mean Harry will magically say it's okay, but that's okay. He's willing to wait for Harry all the time the younger boy needs. He's waited over 40 years for him, he can manage a little bit more of time.

Today he writes, _I've never been able to get you off my mind. Maybe you're supposed to be there._

This one makes Louis cringe, but he hopes Harry still likes it.

_**Day 8** _

Today, Louis restarts the color order, the paper is red again. He has a good feeling about today, and he doesn't know why. Maybe today he'll get a text or call from Harry. He really hopes so.

_You're the smile to my face, and the beat to my heart._

He seals the envelope, carefully putting it in his back pocket and turns on the ignition of his car. He was writing on the steering wheel, being careful to not cause the horn to go off. 

He drives to Harry's flat and takes the elevator up, envelope in his hand. He feels so good today, he feels a happy buzzing in his chest, but he really doesn't know why. 

He knows why when he gets to the corridor that Harry's in, though. The beautiful boy's standing next to the door and Louis halts a few steps from him. His eyes look breathtaking, so so green.

"Harry?" he breathes, blinking quickly a couple of times, not believing his eyes. He hadn't seen him in a week and it's until now that he realizes how much he missed him.

"Hi," he says, pushing himself off the wall and taking a step towards Louis. He holds his breath, hoping for the best. For a second, Louis thinks Harry's going to grab his hand, but he grabs the envelope from his hold. Then he opens it carefully and takes out the Red paper. He reads it, a small smile playing on his lips, growing wider as his eyes scan the paper. "Do you mean these?"

Louis lets go of his breath and nods frantically. "Yes, of course. Always."

"Yeah?" Harry says, looking at Louis in the eyes, a sad smile now. 

Louis doesn't say anything, scared of going overboard or ruining the moment. Or whatever this is.

"Hmmm," Harry hums, taking another step forward. "How about you take me on a date? Start from the beginning all over?" Harry asks softly. And Louis cannot believe that there's uncertainty in his eyes, as if he's scared Louis would say no. But mostly, he can't believe he's getting another chance.

He starts nodding quickly as soon as his brain and body catch up to Harry's words. "Yes, yes, yes!" Louis breathes. "Let me do it right this time, yeah?"

"Yeah," Harry nods and starts stepping back. "See you tomorrow," he gives a little soft smirk and retreats back into his flat, closing the door. Louis couldn't be any happier. He practically skips to his car and when he's sitting inside it, he can't stop slamming his fists on the steering wheel in happiness. He can't believe how lucky he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are nice :)  
> tumblr: joaizzle


	13. i'll love you for a thousand more

Louis is standing in front of a full-length mirror. He fixes the collar of his white button-up shirt that's accompanied by black slacks and black dress shoes. He grabs a tie from the drawer next to him and holds it over where it would be if he were to put it on, considering if he should wear it or not. 

He licks his lips, pulling it away from his chest and back. He doesn't know if a tie would be too much, but he  _is_  taking Harry to the nicest place he knows around here. He doesn't know that, though. He just told him to wear something nice. 

He tosses the tie back into the drawer, sighing. He's not going to wear it, what he's wearing already is good, he decides. 

But then he decides to take off the shirt and replace it with a black t-shirt that's lightly sprinkled with white specks. He digs around his closet for a few moments and puts on a grey dress jacket over the shirt. 

Then he decides that he looks weird now, so he takes off the slacks and puts on black skinny jeans. 

He's overthinking this, he really is, (can you blame him?) so he walks out of the room before he stares at his reflection long enough to make the decision of changing yet again. 

He's changed about 5 times already, by the way. So yeah, he needs to get out of here. It's time anyways, if he leaves any later he'll be late to pick Harry up. 

He grabs his keys from the bowl on the kitchen counter and rushes to the front door, turning off the lights behind him. It's pitch dark, considering that it's night outside already. He walks through the lightly illuminated corridor until he gets to the elevator and goes down to his car. 

He's so excited that the car drive seems short, but his nerves build up more and more the closer to Harry's flat he gets. 

Sure, he's spent a lot of time with Harry before, and maybe it would seem as if he has no reason to be nervous. But. This is after he fucked up, this is after Harry is giving him a second chance. He gets to have a second chance. He gets to do this all over again, properly. No catches. His stomach flutters at the thought. He feels so lucky. 

Soon enough, he's at Harry's doorstep with wobbly legs from nerves (and partially from not eating much all day from those same nerves) and his hand is slightly shaky as he raises it to knock. 

He knocks 3 times exactly and puts his arms to his sides firmly as he hears footsteps approaching the door. He holds his breath as the doorknob turns and lets it go when his beautiful boy is revealed. He's wearing a cheetah print shirt and black skinny jeans that are so tight that they look like he might have sprayed them on. He's wearing brown boots and... his hair. Louis absolutely loves his hair. He loves the way it swirls around his ears and he most certainly loves the way it's pushed back a bit right now,  the volume of his curls focused on the back of his head. 

He can't help it as his face splits into a grin, and apparently Harry can't either. 

"Hi," Harry breathes, the first one to speak. 

"Hey," Louis says softly back. "Ready?

Harry nods shyly in reply, stepping forward and looking back silently at his doorknob to pull it back with him to close to door. 

Louis smiles at him when he looks back up and they start walking. It's silent, but not awkward by any means.

He just doesn't know what to do with his hands, he doesn't want to make Harry uncomfortable if he tries to hold his, so he's repeatedly wiping them on his jeans. 

Harry looks down at them, a small smile playing on his lips, and gently tugs Louis' hand closest to him from Louis' thigh and intertwines their fingers. 

Louis has to look down and bite his lip to where it's almost bleeding to try to stop his grin, but he's still not successful. 

 

* * *

As soon as Louis parks his car in the restaurant's parking lot, he quickly gets out of the car and jogs over to Harry's side to open the door before he can get out. 

His cheeks turn a light shade of pink, visible due to a street lamp, as he gets out from the car and mumbles a "thank you" shyly. 

Louis just smiles at him and holds his breath as they walk towards the entrance. He only lets it go after Harry links their hands again. 

Once inside, Louis states his name for the reservation he made and they're lead to a booth while Harry silently complains that it must be a fortune, but is dismissed with a "don't worry about it". He's pouting by the time they're sitting down. 

"Ba- Harry," Louis says. He gulps nervously when he realizes he almost called him  _baby_. Maybe Harry wants to take things slow. No names of that sort yet. But he swears he sees Harry's eyes light up the smallest bit. Louis quickly hides his nerves with a soft smile and continues. "Quit pouting. I'm serious, don't worry about it. You deserve this," he says. 

Harry stops his pout and just nods just as a waiter approaches them, asking what they want to drink. He looks almost hysterical when Louis orders a bottle of champagne. 

"Louis!" He says in a hushed whispered. 

"Harry," Louis says calmly, smiling. 

"Stop spending so much money, please. I'm starting to feel really bad," 

"No no, don't." Louis sighs. "Listen. This is like our first date, okay? Proper one. So I'm gonna go full out on it. And nothing can stop this because I want this to be perfect,"  _you're perfect._  

"Okay."

Soon, the waiter comes back with the bottle and 2 glasses. He pops it open and pours it into both of their glasses up to a little below the rims. 

"Are you guys ready to order?" He asks, setting the bottle in the middle of their table. 

After they order, it finally feels like they have complete privacy. Louis looks around and all the other tables are at a fair distance from them, everyone is submerged into their own conversations anyway.

Harry suddenly sighs happily, breaking Louis away from his thoughts, and picks up the glass to take a sip. He raises his eyebrows and hums appreciatively as he sets it down. Louis picks his own glass and takes a sip as well, and yeah, it's good. 

"How has your week been?" Louis asks softly, looking over Harry's features. He's so beautiful. 

He shrugs in response. "Kind of sucks to be used to a routine and then you just have to change it because a part of it leaves."

And Louis knows that Harry had no malicious intention, but he visibly winces. And yeah, he probably deserved that. His first instinct is to say, "I'm sorry,"

Harry quickly shakes his head in response, dismissive. "I know. I really liked the letters. Did you write them?"

"Yeah," Louis says, smiling and looking down at his finger tracing shapes into the tablecloth. "Just for you. Always,"

And at the worst time, the waiter comes back holding 2 big plates and sets them down in front of each of them. 

"Thank you," Harry says, nodding at him with a friendly smile. He nods back and leaves. They eat silently.

Again, it's not awkward at all, but it's not the way it was before the fight at all. It makes Louis slightly sad and all he can do is hope that he can fix it. 

Harry keeps his head mostly down, looking at his food and eating silently. He looks so so beautiful even at this angle, Louis thinks. He can't stop staring, eating twice as slow as him because he's just so distracted and apparently Harry can feel his eyes on him because it seems as if he's trying not to smile. Louis loves making him smile. 

Harry looks up and shyly picks up a napkin next to his plate, dabbing gently at around his mouth even though he has nothing to clean. Louis shouldn't find it so endearing. 

"What?" Harry says, eyes flickering anywhere but Louis', avoiding eye contact. 

"Nothing," Louis breathes. "You're just so beautiful."

At that, Harry's eyes slightly widen and finally look at Louis'.

"Thank you."

"Can I hold your hands?" Louis abruptly asks and pushes his half full plate to the side and out of the way when Harry nods. 

"You don't have to ask me," Harry says quietly and stretches out his hands across the table. Louis grabs them gently and rubs his thumbs over the other boy's knuckles soothingly. 

"Tell me about your day?" Louis suggests, trying again. He's never been more relieved in his life until now, when Harry's eyes lit up at the question. He starts talking excitedly about a new dish he learned to do while Louis listens intently. Asking questions, nodding, etc. at the right times. 

Then Harry asks Louis to tell him about his day as well. The conversation flows easy, smoothly, almost like before- Louis feels like he can breath properly again. 

Soon after, the waiter comes back and asks if they need anything else. After Harry says no, Louis asks for the bill and ignores Harry's complaints on wanting to pay his own food as he hands over his credit card to the waiter. The poor worker looks nervously between the two of them, though. Good thing he decides to take Louis' side. 

Harry huffs when the waiter comes back for the last time to hand back Louis his credit card and the receipt. 

"Take that pout off your face," Louis teases softly as he's holding the door to the restaurant open for Harry. " _I_  brought you here.  _I_  brought you on a date, so I pay."

Harry doesn't complain any further.

Louis jogs ahead of Harry and holds open the car door again for him. 

"Really, Lou?" Harry laughs behind him. And, well, he never has to know that Louis' stomach flipped (in the best way possible) at the nickname. 

"Mhm," he hums when Harry's in hearing distance. He waits until he sits down inside and closes the door after him. He then walks around thear to his side and gets into driver's side, leaving the parking lot soon after. 

The drive back is shorter, easier. Harry talks to him a lot, Louis mostly just listens and nods, but he's mostly focused on what he's saying- the rest of his focus on the road. He hopes Harry can tell most of it is on him. 

He grips the steering wheel, his right hand itching to reach over to Harry and hold his hand between them. He drops his hand on his thigh, praying that Harry will get the message. 

Louis is absolutely delighted when he actually fucking does. His beautiful boy engulfs Louis' smaller hand in his and tugs it closer to himself. He easily complies. 

With the biggest smile he's ever worn, Louis drives the rest of the way back relaxed. 

By the time that they get out of the car, go into the building, and into the elevator, Louis decides that he has to say something to Harry before he goes inside. 

He has absolutely nothing planned, so he's going to just say whatever comes to mind in the moment. Improvising. 

"That was pretty amazing," Harry comments, leaning back against his flat's door once they get there. 

"Yeah? I think so too." Louis says honestly as he buries his hands into his tight pockets.

"You alright?" Harry asks. He knows Louis a little too well. It would be alarming if they weren't literal soul mates. 

"Yeah, I just.." Louis starts. He doesn't know how to start this. 

"Just?" Harry prompts, pushing himself off the door. 

"Look, I just want to apologize properly and it looks like right now is a good time," Louis says finally and Harry immediately starts shaking his head quickly. 

"You don't have to, Louis. It's okay. I guess I kind of understand why you did that," Harry says. He's too fucking sweet, he deserves the world, Louis thinks. He's gonna try to give it all to him. 

"No, please. Just let me." He waits, Harry doesn't interrupt. "I'm sorry for what I did, it was so wrong and I was being a coward. I was scared because I didn't want to hurt anyone. I'm sorry. Nothing can justify what I did, I know that. I just hope that you can forgive me now." Louis says. 

Harry doesn't say anything and instead steps closer until Louis walks back along with him and is against the wall apposite Harry's door. 

He puts his hands on Louis' biceps, gripping them. He thinks it would look funny to other people, considering Harry's a little taller than Louis. Not that Louis' tiny, he  _isn't_. 

When he realizes that Harry is leaning in, his heart stops for a second. He doesn't dare move, scared that he might disturb Harry's plan of whatever he's about to do. 

Harry starts to gradually tilt his head sideways and before Louis could think, soft lips are pressing on his. 

He takes a deep breath through his nose, breathing in Harry's coconut scent (it's probably coming from his hair) and starts to move his lips. 

Soon enough, they're in sync, their lips moving just right together- almost as if they were meant to meet. And you know what? They fucking were. Louis is positive that if he hadn't met Harry at the movies, he still would have met him eventually, somewhere else. He  _knows_  it. Feels it, even. 

Louis puts his hands on Harry's cheeks and kisses him passionately, yet gently. He feels so fucking stupid for refusing to do this before. Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with him?

Harry breaks apart for a second to catch his breath, but he can barely catch any because Louis chases his mouth with his lips. He pulls away again and gives a last peck to Louis lovingly. 

"Goodnight, Louis." Harry whispers, his hot breath fanning on Louis' face. 

"Goodnight, Harry." Louis whispers back, nodding out of his trance. After that, Harry turns around and goes into his flat, shutting the door behind him after a quick glance back accompanied with a smile. 

And that's how it went. Slowly, Louis got Harry's full trust back. Little by little he showed Harry the right way how good he could be. 

But all this time, they know they'd be okay, it would be okay soon- because they're Louis and Harry. 

  
_**The end.**_  


	14. epilogue

Louis kneels between Harry's parted legs and bends down, starting to kiss slowly up his bare thighs. On his way up, he plants a soft kiss to his cock, causing his right leg to twitch. 

He continues kissing up, with a small smile due to Harry's reaction, to his chest. He takes his nipple into his mouth and swirls his tongue around it, causing Harry to put his hands into his hair and pull lightly. 

"Louis," Harry whimpers. 

"Mmmm?" He hums in response, continuing his tongue's movement. 

"Kiss me please?" He asks. And how could Louis just not comply? God, this boy-now man- had him wrapped around his finger. 

He quickly goes up at the same level as Harry and puts their bare chests flush together. He presses their lips together and yeah- he'll never get tired of this. Not even after the 8 years that they've been together.

Harry's lips part and Louis knows it as a request for his tongue. They make out for a little bit and then Louis move down to Harry's jaw, kissing along it down to his collarbone and sucking a bit, as he usually does, to leave a faint mark. 

Harry wraps his legs around Louis' waist and pushes his hips down subtly, but it's enough to make their bare cocks rub against each other. They both groan in unison and Louis sits up slightly, scrambling for the lube bottle next to Harry's head. 

He sits up on his knees after Harry loosens up his legs and squeezes the bottle onto his index finger. He brings it down to Harry's hole and he whimpers, making Louis' cock twitch. After all these years, he can't believe how responsive Harry still is. 

Soon he puts a second finger, and then the third and he's scissoring them to stretch Harry out. 

"'M ready," Harry moans loudly when Louis precisely brushes over his prostate. After all this time together, he knows Harry's body like the back of his own hand. He knows what touches make him squirm and get flustered, he knows what words will make him bite his lip, he knows what angle to move his fingers- or thrust into him- to hit his prostrate dead on, he knows how to make him come untouched, he knows  _everything_. 

Louis nods in response and squirts more lube on his hand and slicks up his cock, stroking it gently into full hardness. 

He then aligns it with Harry's hole and pushes in slowly, making the head catch on his rim. He leans down and lays flush against Harry's chest again, pushing his hips forward slowly until he's all the way in. They pant against each other's lips, struggling to kiss as Louis starts moving in and out of Harry at a steady pace. 

He wraps his legs around Louis's waist tighter as he pins his hands down next to his head. 

"Faster," Harry moans out. 

Louis then stops his movements completely, shifting his knees slightly so his cock's in another angle- the angle that he knows will cause the most pleasure to Harry. 

"Okay, baby. Whatever you want," he says, and then grabs his left hand's wrist and brings it up to his face. He kisses his ring finger, or more precisely, the ring on it- the ring he put there 6 years ago. 

Finally, he starts to thrust into Harry, slowly. 

"Oh- there. Right there, Lou." he moans, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. 

"Yeah, baby, I know," Louis says, going down to latch onto his neck. And he  _really_  does know. 

He picks up the pace and puts his hands on Harry's hips, gripping him to keep him still, to fuck into him harder while sucking a love bite into his neck. 

He starts going faster and Harry's moaning becomes loud and nonstop, encouraging Louis to keep moving his hips nonstop too. 

"I'm gonna come," Harry sobs out, moving his hands into Louis's hair. 

"Yeah?" Louis moans, and then wraps his arms under Harry's lower back to lift his lower body slightly. He instinctively tightens his legs around Louis, having done this before. "Think you can come untouched?" 

He moans out a "yeah," and then licks his lips, trying to control his quivering jaw enough to speak. "Feels so fucking good. You do it so fucking good," 

"You feel so fucking good, baby. I'm so close too," he moans. "You look so beautiful, always do. So perfect,"

And with that, he feels the hot spurts of come between them with a shout of his name. He reaches between them and strokes Harry's cock to make him ride out his orgasm fully. 

He starts pounding into Harry again, knowing that he likes slight overstimulation, chasing his own release. Harry moans so fucking loud and yeah- that's it. With his own curses and grunts, Louis comes into Harry as he lazily thrusts into him. He stays on top of Harry for a few seconds, panting. 

"I think that's one of our bests yet," Harry whispers, stroking his fingers through Louis' hair.

"Mmm," Louis chuckles. "You were so noisy. Loved it,"

Harry then puts his hands on Louis' cheeks, pulling him into a long kiss. "Was too good to not be noisy." 

"Baby," Louis says into Harry's lips, breaking apart a few seconds after. "Let's go shower,"

"Yeah, gotta get up early tomorrow," Harry says, nodding in agreement. 

"What if you just close tomorrow?" Louis whines. 

"That's not how a restaurant business works, Lou." Harry laughs, sitting up and causing Louis' soft cock to slip out of him. "Besides, you have to go to work tomorrow too. Your students need you,"

"Does too," Louis insists, sitting up as well and sitting on the edge of the bed. "And I can call in sick. They can survive a day without me, trust me. They would be thankful for it, even."

"Yeah, I kind of need days off of you too," Harry jokes. 

"Oh, shut up." Louis says, grinning, and walks to the bathroom. Harry follows behind him. 

After their shower (and maybe a second round) they change into comfortable clothes and get into bed. Louis cuddles into Harry's back, nuzzling against the love bite from earlier. He loves his smell. 

"I love you so much," Louis whispers into his ear and kissed his cheek. 

"I love you too," Harry whispers back, getting Louis' hand and intertwining their fingers. He rubs his thumb over the ring on Louis' finger, making it spin slightly. 

"Can't believe it's so close," Harry says hoarsely, throat dry from not talking out loud in a while. He clears it, licking his lips. 

"I know," Louis agrees. "We're gonna be married, can you believe that?" 

"No and yes," Harry says, chuckling. "But I want it so bad, want to be Harry Tomlinson so bad," 

At that, Louis squeezes Harry happily. "Fucking love that," he says. 

Harry sighs happily in response, continuing to toy with the ring of Louis' finger. Then, "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." Louis says immediately. 

"Do you want to have like o-our own family? Kids?" Harry asks nervously. And okay, Louis wasn't caught off guard that much, they had never talked about this before. Only about marriage. And even that, they hadn't talked about it at all before Louis proposed, so that made him even more nervous. But of course, Harry said yes. 

_It had been 6 years ago, 2 years after Louis got his shit straight after a wake-up slap by his own mistake._

_Louis had decided to do the cliché ring-in-the-bottom-of-a-champagne-glass thing. He had taken Harry to the restaurant from their first proper date, the one after Harry had given him another chance. He was a little nervous that Harry would say no, would say that he's not ready, or even that he just didn't see that future with Louis. Which is ridiculous to think about now. He was also nervous that Harry wouldn't see the ring and he would drink his champagne and choke on it, but fortunately that didn't happen. Neither of these things did, as you can see._

_The second one nearly did, though. The waiter had brought the glasses, one already prepared with the ring in it. Louis and Harry were talking and Harry had picked up his glass mindlessly to take a sip, and he did. Of course a sip wasn't enough to get to the ring at the bottom, though. So the night went on and Harry kept taking sips and he still wouldn't fucking notice the ring. Louis' nerves about him choking on it kept growing._

_Until there was only a little bit left was when Harry noticed. He had raised his glass and started drinking the last sip and Louis was about to protest about him being about to swallow a ring, but it hit Harry's lips. He had looked down in confusion and moved the glass away from his face._

_Louis will never forget the look on his face when he realized what it was and looked up at him._

"Of course, baby. Why wouldn't I?" Louis says nonchalantly, as if it's something they've talked about a million times before. He wants Harry to feel completely comfortable talking about this. Plus it's true, he really actually does. 

"I don't know. It's just, Liam and Zayn already have their own kid, even Niall's got his own kid. Wow, even Evan. And you had never mentioned it, so I thought you didn't want any," he explained, shrugging and toying with Louis' engagement ring shyly. 

"Of course I do, was just waiting for  _you_  to mention it," 

At that, Harry laughs at the irony. But then he goes serious moments later and asks, "Are you ready for that now?"

And Louis answers with the most honest thing he's ever said in his whole entire life. 

"With you by my side, I'm ready for anything." 

And okay, whatever. Maybe he does actually like this 'soulmate' thing after all.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this was a thousand years! this was my first fic ever, so i hope that it was alright. Thank you sooo much for reading.  
> comments are lovely. :)  
> come talk to me on tumblr about what you thought, or about puppies if you'd like. about your favorite christmas song, even. anything works  
> tumblr: joaizzle


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